Computer Death News 5000 - June 19 2009

Here are some stories that news people are telling right now:

Twin brothers, okay hold on right there. I've never trusted twins, they freak the shit out of me, plus they are all crazy! Every time I'm in a room with or am introduced to some twins I say to myself, "tonight's the night... I'm gonna die at the hand of one of these twins." Anyway the twins were caught on camera mugging a 14-year old boy, by a van taking photos for Googles street view. The weird thing to me wasn't this serendipitous street justice, it was the fact that the twins stole 165 euros from the 14-year old, what was this little man doing with that kinda money (play money or not)... I did just get a report in that the twins were also just raped and beat up with a pillowcase full of bars of soap by a google camera van in a Dutch prison.

A lady got in trubs (trouble) for illeagally downloading music from this place you are at right now (the internet). Personally, I feel for her, I really do, $1.92 million dollars is a lot to pay for 24 songs, but you know, mess with the bull... They ended up charging her $80,000 per song, or something like that. Uh... Hey RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America), are you fucking retarded, she doesn't have $2 million fucking dollars you fucking asshole motherfuckers. Everyone in the world (except me) is downloading shit from file sharing sites, but whatever, that's why I don't break the law. So, if you want to make an example out of someone, make it yourselves, put a gun in your mouth and pull the fucking trigger, because you died the minute the internet showed up in his leather jacket, smoking cigarettes on his motorcycle.

Lindsay Lohan twittered a topless picture of herself, but you can't really see her boobs, but who cares. CNN's... that's right "CNN's", headline was something like "Lohan's Downward Spiral". Hello CNN, yeah hi, my name is Mikey, Shut the fuck up please. For Lindsay, I don't know what you're dealing with in your life, I'm sure your fine, just stop being a lesbian or whatever, because you're hot and I would "take you to the movies" anytime please, and thak you.

Also there was a ring of smoke at an amusement park in Lynchburg, Virgina that some dumb fucks thought was a UFO... you guy's are being fags.

These are the 4 very most important news items I could get my hands on this morning, that is all.