Friday, December 23, 2011

Dia in the Vida No. 3 - Death

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Professionally and Personally...

"Distracted" you might say?... BUT if you, Monster, didn't think I had time to notice that you've been busy making other flavors of your "Rehab" product line, you're sadly mistaken...

Rojo Tea you say? fine... and well done, an abreviated 4.21 Death Marx out of 5

And "Green Tea" you now offer, 3.83 out of 5 Death Marx.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Hipster Cop!?

I was driving home tonight and found myself slightly too high... I had a thought, and I really don't know where it came from, but the words and image of "hipster cop" popped into my brain head. I thought about it for a minute and tried to imagine that this must be a real thing. So, I typed into google the search for "Hipster Cop" and there were (as I suspected) some legit hits. And... As it turns out is a real person or thing. see pic below...

His name is name is Rick Lee and he recently appeared scoffing aroung the "Occupy Wall Street... (Revolt?, Haha!)" protests. Rick is a 45-Year old community affairs detective and all he needs to do to prove it is sarcastically lift his anchor embroidered cardigan to reveal his badge and crocodile skin belt... Anyway, This guy is one of 2 things, a homosexual who has miraculously infiltrated the esteemed NYPD, or a Marketing plant from the NYPD to act as a buffer between the NYPD and the protestors. Here are some ridiculous pull quotes from his recent GQ interview:

GQ: What are your duties down at Occupy Wall Street?

Rick Lee:
Just to give you some background: I do Community Affairs down at the First Precinct. There's basically one of me—not as smashingly dressed, in every precinct. It's my job in general to be the liaison between the precinct and the community we serve. We serve, oddly enough, SoHo—big fashion area, TriBeCa, and Battery Park City. Basically from Houston St. down to the Battery. My specific job being down here watching the guys who bang on the drums is to keep the peace. Between not only the police and the protesters, but also the protesters and the community.

GQ: Do you think the way you're dressed helps with that?

Rick Lee:
Yes. Absolutely. I've been doing my job for 12 years and I learned early on that the way I'm dress, or the way anyone dresses affects things. You have to know your audience. The people that I serve in this community are a lot like me. I don't necessarily fit the stereotype of the word "cop." So when they see that I dress kinda cool, wear thin ties, look trendy, it breaks a lot of walls down initially to get the bridge building started. It actually works. People go, "Wow! You wear Burberry. You wear Ralph Lauren. That's cool."

(HA! I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!)

Ultimately, you can make your own assumptions about what "Rick Lee" (Nice Fake Ass Name BTW) actually is but I doubt it is anything good.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Kyle Bean's "Soft Guerrila" Series

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Angry Letters No. 3

Of all the miserable, faceless, soulless, just all around fucking horrible corporations on planet earth that deserve so much worse than an angry letter... It is you AT&T, who gets one today. The motivation to contact you came upon me not long after recieving a txt message from "753-5" (i'm thinking that something like "HAL" from 2001: Space Od.) saying... "Your data usage is among the top 5% of users. Data speeds for this bill cycle may be reduced...."

I responded with this, to which I have not received any response:
"Really? Well fuck me then I guess! My internet browser is basically useless. Insanely slow page loads... You think I have time to sit around my house and not masturbate? Well I don't, I no longer have the imagination of a 13 year old. I need to see such a specific thing at this point in my life... there is really no place other than the internet to get what I need to feed my dogs in the bone zone... you know what mean "753-5"?"

If you pussies over there at AT&T, have the tit's to sic your robo-thugs on me with some kind of passive, "Don't Shoot the Messenger" tactic of letting your customer know he is being butt fucked by you guys. At least figure out a way to get back on some kind of follow up. Sure, you gave me a number and some website (useless at my current speeds), but I prefer to deal with you "753-5". CongratuFuckinLations! you are my official nemesis and I'm about to open up a good damned personal Hezbollah on your fuckin' robot face!

By the way I figured out your little scam in the shower this morning (while I wasn't masturbating, thx again!)...

So I'm part of the top 5% of data users on your network, and my data package plan is grandfathered in to an unlimited package, which I pay $20 extra a month for, compared to the people who are not on the unlimited plan. The statistic I saw online claims that being part of that 5% means that I use 12 times more data than 95% of AT&T customers. That's a lot more data (12x) and a lot more of you (95%), who are not getting enough data! I'm like mother fuckin' Johnny 5, you stupid fucks! People who are not on an unlimited plan will pay fines if they go over their allotted data. So, what I theorized is this, You've got the extra $20 out of me no matter what, even now that you've bumped my signal down from 3G to 2G. Because your bandwidth is so shitty in the states, you aren't advanced enough to provide all your customers with the same service quality!? So, what should you do? Keep the extra $20 from the unlimited subscribers that consume a lot of data on your network, fuck them over by slowing the speeds of their service...AND THEN, figure out a way to suck more money out of the other 95% of your customers, by speeding up their service in the hopes more people will use data on a speedier network, probably, definitely increasing the amount of people that come in over there data plan, forcing them to pay an additional fee. It's pretty smart right? With 95% of your customers running on a slightly faster speed, while simply fucking over the remaining 5%, by slowing theirs, you have the potential to gain some serious returns on over limit fees.

Anyway, I hate your fucking guts, you guys are miserable cock sucking devils and I hope you all rot in fucking hell. Suck my dick!

Super Pissed,
MKY and the CDS5K Team

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Burger Wrap!

I get a lot of grief from people in the world when I don't post anything for a while... Sorry, I feel like every other post is me talking about how I'll post more. But I will. I recently had a Computer Death Birthday on Thursday Dec. 1st, it was pretty good, I got a voice controlled R2D2 Robot, that I still haven't really gotten around to fully penetrating yet... with my penis... but I will, and when I do, I'll put the video up here for all you sickos! I also got one of those Kuerig Coffee makers, it's one of those ones that you use the "K-Cup" thingy... Anyway, I love both of the gifts, my only concern is how much coffee I've been drinking, at this rate my teeth will be black in a month. Oh well, that's life I guess. Anyway, I love getting presents and will hope that I continue to get them often... In this kind of wrapping paper!

Dia in the Vida No.1 - FrstPersPOV