Angry Letters No. 3

Of all the miserable, faceless, soulless, just all around fucking horrible corporations on planet earth that deserve so much worse than an angry letter... It is you AT&T, who gets one today. The motivation to contact you came upon me not long after recieving a txt message from "753-5" (i'm thinking that something like "HAL" from 2001: Space Od.) saying... "Your data usage is among the top 5% of users. Data speeds for this bill cycle may be reduced...."

I responded with this, to which I have not received any response:
"Really? Well fuck me then I guess! My internet browser is basically useless. Insanely slow page loads... You think I have time to sit around my house and not masturbate? Well I don't, I no longer have the imagination of a 13 year old. I need to see such a specific thing at this point in my life... there is really no place other than the internet to get what I need to feed my dogs in the bone zone... you know what mean "753-5"?"

If you pussies over there at AT&T, have the tit's to sic your robo-thugs on me with some kind of passive, "Don't Shoot the Messenger" tactic of letting your customer know he is being butt fucked by you guys. At least figure out a way to get back on some kind of follow up. Sure, you gave me a number and some website (useless at my current speeds), but I prefer to deal with you "753-5". CongratuFuckinLations! you are my official nemesis and I'm about to open up a good damned personal Hezbollah on your fuckin' robot face!

By the way I figured out your little scam in the shower this morning (while I wasn't masturbating, thx again!)...

So I'm part of the top 5% of data users on your network, and my data package plan is grandfathered in to an unlimited package, which I pay $20 extra a month for, compared to the people who are not on the unlimited plan. The statistic I saw online claims that being part of that 5% means that I use 12 times more data than 95% of AT&T customers. That's a lot more data (12x) and a lot more of you (95%), who are not getting enough data! I'm like mother fuckin' Johnny 5, you stupid fucks! People who are not on an unlimited plan will pay fines if they go over their allotted data. So, what I theorized is this, You've got the extra $20 out of me no matter what, even now that you've bumped my signal down from 3G to 2G. Because your bandwidth is so shitty in the states, you aren't advanced enough to provide all your customers with the same service quality!? So, what should you do? Keep the extra $20 from the unlimited subscribers that consume a lot of data on your network, fuck them over by slowing the speeds of their service...AND THEN, figure out a way to suck more money out of the other 95% of your customers, by speeding up their service in the hopes more people will use data on a speedier network, probably, definitely increasing the amount of people that come in over there data plan, forcing them to pay an additional fee. It's pretty smart right? With 95% of your customers running on a slightly faster speed, while simply fucking over the remaining 5%, by slowing theirs, you have the potential to gain some serious returns on over limit fees.

Anyway, I hate your fucking guts, you guys are miserable cock sucking devils and I hope you all rot in fucking hell. Suck my dick!

Super Pissed,
MKY and the CDS5K Team