I was thinking about the Jonas Brothers today at work, I don't know why, but whatever I don't know why I waste my time thinkin' bout anything at all, since we're all just an alien science project. So the Jonas Bros., I was like just who exactly are these a-holes, and what kinda freaky deaky shit and skeletons do these guys have in their closet. No one gets as famous as them without doing some very bad things, so I dedicated some time to digging up some dirt on these three young "gentlemen". The teen pop/rock trio consists of three brothers, Kevin, Joe and Nick, I don't know what their ages are, all somewhere between 13-19 I think. Here are some of the things I do know though: There was a fourth Jonas Brother, but Kevin killed him in a drunk driving accident, after he stole his dad's car and crashed it into a baby hospital (the story on the streets say Trevor didn't actually die in the crash, but Kevin shot him 14 times during an argument after the crash). Joe has a severe meth/pain killer addiction, I think he got Miley Cyrus preggers, but the baby didn't take because he crashed his car into a puppy store after a 72 hour drug binge, while Miley was riding shotgun. Nick is responsible for the untimely death of an entire teeball team. He got all hopped up on booze and weed, stole a Yukon from his hair stylist, and crashed all over a baseball field. So, right of the bat you have all three of these monsters involved in alcohol/drug related automobile fatalities. The Trio is banned in South America, where they denounced Catholicism and all other forms of organized religions during an encore performance of "I Am What I Am". Joe ended the debacle buy admitting to Devil worship and throwing a mixture of blood and semen on the audience in the first few rows. All three of these guys are certifiable, grade A, fuck ups, and if you ever see one (or God help you all three) on the streets, run away, far and fast. Some of you may remember I used to hang out with these dudes like this past November, but it was terrifying, every second seemed like an eternity and one of them tried to chloroform and eat me. So yeah.
Monday, March 2, 2009
These Guys are Evil
I was thinking about the Jonas Brothers today at work, I don't know why, but whatever I don't know why I waste my time thinkin' bout anything at all, since we're all just an alien science project. So the Jonas Bros., I was like just who exactly are these a-holes, and what kinda freaky deaky shit and skeletons do these guys have in their closet. No one gets as famous as them without doing some very bad things, so I dedicated some time to digging up some dirt on these three young "gentlemen". The teen pop/rock trio consists of three brothers, Kevin, Joe and Nick, I don't know what their ages are, all somewhere between 13-19 I think. Here are some of the things I do know though: There was a fourth Jonas Brother, but Kevin killed him in a drunk driving accident, after he stole his dad's car and crashed it into a baby hospital (the story on the streets say Trevor didn't actually die in the crash, but Kevin shot him 14 times during an argument after the crash). Joe has a severe meth/pain killer addiction, I think he got Miley Cyrus preggers, but the baby didn't take because he crashed his car into a puppy store after a 72 hour drug binge, while Miley was riding shotgun. Nick is responsible for the untimely death of an entire teeball team. He got all hopped up on booze and weed, stole a Yukon from his hair stylist, and crashed all over a baseball field. So, right of the bat you have all three of these monsters involved in alcohol/drug related automobile fatalities. The Trio is banned in South America, where they denounced Catholicism and all other forms of organized religions during an encore performance of "I Am What I Am". Joe ended the debacle buy admitting to Devil worship and throwing a mixture of blood and semen on the audience in the first few rows. All three of these guys are certifiable, grade A, fuck ups, and if you ever see one (or God help you all three) on the streets, run away, far and fast. Some of you may remember I used to hang out with these dudes like this past November, but it was terrifying, every second seemed like an eternity and one of them tried to chloroform and eat me. So yeah.
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