Living With Mind Robots

So I’ve got this Mind Robot, I just found out about him, I’m not sure if everyone has one, but unfortunately I do. At first I was like, this is awesome, I’ve got a robot in my head, this is gonna change my life forever. He’d be up there doing all this awesome robot stuff, we could hang out and basically be buds. Then I thought what is “robot stuff” what do robots actually do? Well, this one does nothing, Petey (that’s his name) just sits around in my mind, gets high and when he is not asleep, he is watching TV. No, I couldn’t have gotten a useful Mind Robot like one of those Roombas who can vacuum all of the nonsense out of my mind, instead I get a lazy piece of shit that perpetuates it. Anyway, if you find out you’ve got a Mind Robot, don’t freak out, hopefully yours will be useful for something. It looks like I am stuck with Petey for now, I have commissioned a team of Bulgarian scientists to research and explore possible Mind Robot extraction, but I’m not gonna hold my breath (Bulgaria is the only place I could afford a team of scientists). I haven’t found any reported cases of Mind Robots on the internet, but i did stumble upon a couple of things that seem like they could actually be Mind Robots mistaken for something else, the first is something called “schizophrenia” and the other is called “multiple personality disorder”. After reading about these “psychiatric disorders”, I’ve come to the conclusion that these are indeed mind robots, not some type of neurological chemical imbalance.