So I finally did it, I broke down and purchased a white Siberian Tiger, like the ones that Sigfreed and Roy have. It uh... it wasn't cheap, about $40,000, and you might be asking yourself, just where, good sir, did you manage to get you hands on that kind of money? A combination of things actually; 1. I have been doing quite a bit o' man whoring at retirement communities. 2. Embezzling money from the company I work for. The great thing about this purchase is that is it an investment, I will probably be able to make about $200,000 by selling it's pelt, claws/teeth, bones, whiskers and organs. Don't get me wrong "monkey" (that's what I named him) is really cute but I just need to see a return on this investment and the harsh reality is that he is worth more dead that alive. So, sorry little guy but once you reach maturity, you getting strip and sold like a 1995 Honda Civic (the most stolen car in America). Basically, these parts of the Tiger are so valuable because the are used to make "homeopathic" or "asian" medicine. For example, crushed tiger whiskers ingested are thought to cure hemorrhoids, and Tiger bone wine and dried tiger penis are both used as aphrodisiacs. So yeah, that's what I'm working on right now.
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