Friday, August 1, 2008

Hell Demon Found in Montauk


There has been a lot of talk of this beast that was found washed up on the beach in Montauk, New York last month. The Montauk Monster can be described as a large rodent-like beast,  much like the capybara but it has a dinosaur beak, large claws, almond shaped E.T. eyes and gnarly fangs dude! Some people think that it could be a dead bloated dog or raccoon, some think it is a shell-less turtle, and others believe it is an actual demon or a type of monster that has recently been taking over the area. The photo was submitted by some chica named Anna Holmes, who has a suspicious relationship with a company called Evolutionary Media Group. So there is some speculation that this can all be chalked up to a well strategized viral-marketing campaign, possibly for an upcoming show called Cryptids Are Real on Cartoon Network. There have been multiple witnesses in this case claiming they saw this freaky little fucker. It's a little unclear as to where the carcass actually is right now, some say animal control picked it up, others claim some frat dudes took it, another says an old man hauled it away saying "I'm gonna mount it on my wall". There is also the statement that the people who took the photo are having the carcass privately examined at a near by university. Who knows what it is, I am so drunk right now I don't even know where I am, I think I am at work though. I do know that if I ever see something like this living, I am definitely going to try and capture it and train it for dog fights and just clean house, make some chedda! If this creatures do start popping up imagine how many rappers and "gangster" douches will be walking these things around with big old chains and spiked collars to compensate for their personal insecurities and weaknesses. 

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