Disposing Of A Human Corpse*

Hey Gang! It's been a rough week and I can't really talk too much about my personal experiences with this, but I can tell you how I did it...I mean how to do it, if you needed to like for a joke or something. Some of the things you are going to need: A gas mask, bath tub, saw, rubber gloves, Hydrofluoric Acid, a large tub made of one of the following, Teflon, chlorosulfonated polyethylene, natural rubber or neoprene. So you've got a body on your hands and you've probably seen better days. Just relax, take a deep breath grab a Sierra Mist Free, take a long draw from that sweet beverage and smile, and reflect upon the fact that your not that dead ass bitch in the bathtub :) Anywho, pop on your rubber gloves, grab the saw and get to work. I would probably start at the elbow, It would be helpful to have some bolt cutters too for some of the smaller bones. Basically just start working the saw into the flesh and just pretend it's a log...that bleeds and has bones. From the elbow move to the shoulder, then the ankle, knee and hip. At this point your looking at a limbless body, good work, now I know it might be tempting to have sex with it at this point, but let's try to stay on task huh? Now cut of the head, and the remaining torso should be able to fit in the Polyethylene tub. It is important to use exactly one of the types of tubs I mentioned above because the Hydrofluoric Acid will dissolve just about anything else including the ceramic of you bathtub. The fumes from the Acid are going to be really strong so don't forget to wear your gas mask. It's going to be a lot of work but consider the alternatives, you're kind of fucked, so now is not the time to be a lazy bitch. The pieces are going to be reduced to a brownish sludge. Your still gonna need to dispose of this shit, fortunately for me I have a sewer manhole in my front lawn, this is one option. I don't know dump it in a river or something, the hard part is over, I can't do everything for you.

*I have never killed anyone and cut their body up in my bathtub, but if I did I would kill them with kindness or mind bullets, and I probably wouldn't dissolve the body in acid. I would probably preserve it and then reanimate it with a system of ropes and pulleys, and I would name it Lieutenant Slippery Legs. Good Day.