Today for lunch I enjoyed a delicious Lobster Roll from a local organic food store and cafe. Lobsters and I have had a long and jaded history. Much of my life has been spent despising them, and the fact that I watched a drunk and high gang of them rape and murder my Great Grandmother may have something to do with that. Ever since that night, I vowed to eat as many of these little monsters as I could. You are being avenged Great Grandma Ann! Slowly but surely, they took one of my family members... I will take thousands of theirs. In the words of DMX, if "You think this is a game? You think it's a fucking game?"... It is. A game called, I'm eating you!!! Anyway, in truth my sweet Grandma Ann was not raped and killed by Lobsters, it was old age or a stroke or something, I don't know, I was young. BUT lobsters are delicious and my first experience with the east coast famed "Lobster Roll" was a delight. It was $15, being independently wealthy and having no concept of the value of money, that means nothing to me. I don't know if that's cheap or expensive. The portion was healthy and served in a soft toasted bun with truffle mayonnaise. Get one if you can!
Here are some unknown facts about Lobster's:
- Most of them do not speak Spanish.
- Steve Jobs replacement as CEO will be a Lobster.
- Lobsters usually can't wear pants.
- The Sun is actually made entirely of Lobsters.
- If you put a Lobster under your pillow at night, a huge Lobster will take it and replace it with an iPad. (I have 14 iPads if anyone wants to buy one, they're 1stGen tho...)
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