Dear H.S. Cross Country Coaches,
You can Imagine my frustration when I woke up this morning at 6:30 AM to the sound of obnoxious clapping and unconvincing attempts at masculine screaming. At first when I looked out my bedroom window I thought, "well, those cool-ass Oakley's are probably preventing them from realizing what time it actually is". But as the unwarranted bravado and screaming continued, so did my growing rage. It's Cross Country dudes.. You guys are pussies, through and through, those little shorts and even smaller upper torsos are excellent indicators of this fact. You can run far huh? Great, you'll be able to use that as a metaphor for the rest of your life, running from everything. I guess I can understand why you'd be running at 6:30AM when triple sessions for football practice starts at 8:00AM. The fear you must feel from the kids and coaches that actual own a pair of testicles, would be more than enough motivation to get your run and beta male (click link for def.) tasks out of the way while I'm trying to sleep. Also, to illustrate MY own masculinity and no non-sense attitude I'm gonna take with this issue, listen up... So help me God, if you should dare wake me from my slumber again, I will not hesitate for one second to contact the village and file a formal complaint. Take notice mother fucker's you've been warned.
Sincerely,
MJ and the CDS5K team
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