Movie Pitch Monday (on a Thursday)

I'd like to start by saying, I'm not one of these Star Wars nut jobs. I enjoyed these movies when I was a child and never really sat down to watch the newer trilogy. These movies are not for grown-ups, that's why you waited in line for three weeks, and after seeing Phantom Menace you were disappointed. BECAUSE you're 40 now, AND you work at Kinko's, AND you're stupid, even though you think you're smart (take that). I think that's a nice little segue way to the pitch...

"Man of the Hoth"
In this Crazy, Sexy, Cool, Single Camera ("Office-style"), Rom-Com-Dram, you'll find yourself laughing, crying and sailing all the way to the bone zone (sexually aroused). A century after the epic battle we witnessed in Empire Strikes Back, the Planet Hoth is a pretty quiet place. There are small bands of nomadic tribes spread across the frozen terrain. After being captured then brutally raped and abused by a Yeti in a cave for like three weeks, Luke (our hero) has found solace and safety in Roman Catholicism. So, after slaying the Yeti, he went online with his light sabre (yes, those things have WiFi) and became a registered intergalactic space priest. Luke travels though the tundra attempting to enlighten the bands of weary travelers... but to no avail. There is one memory that has haunted Luke for years, the one where he sliced open the belly of that ton-ton and used it as a sleeping bag... that memory. As a form a personal redemption and a gift of giving back to the ton-ton community of Hoth, Luke begins to teach the word of God specifically to these creatures. Luke becomes very close (think gorillas in the mist) with the Ton-Tons, he lives in the heard and is treated as one of their own. He believes he is the only person in the universe who can communicate and teach the good word to the ton-tons. After further examination however, it seems this is all part of a delusion because he's been slowly losing his mind after contracting Yeti Syphilis from all the Yeti raping that he endured earlier. (Here's where I drive the pitch home!) This is a beautiful coming of age tale that has it all and will make your studio hundreds of millions of dollars, maybe even Billions if we do it in 3-D... Sooooo, come on, let's do this. I already made the poster art at the beginning of this post!