Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Man Behind the Beard

(UPDATED 4/3 @ 9:15 PM)
How can this possibly be a sub-category on my Netflix recommendations?... And how does is matter? Let's start by doing some Netflix viewing history ReCon! Wow, nothing... I just went through like 3 months and there is not even a single... Oh wait a minute... The only thing I have watched with Zack Galifianakis recently was an episode of IFC's Comedy Bang Bang... I forgot about that. That's still a stretch though... For Netflix to assume that by watching 10 episodes of a series, only 1 of these episodes featuring Zach Galifianakis... That I would want to watch movies starring actors that "Look" like Zack Galifianakis... Which according to Netflix and the rest of the world, is simply any man with a beard. Like to assume there is a demographic of people that want to watch programing based on the visual appearance of the bearded star... and I am one of those people!? Is this based off of research that has found people to like Zach Galifianakis simply because of his beard, and would like to see other things with people sporting a beard, regardless of the context. Things are getting very strange. Ultimately, I'm just writing this to try and clear up a sort of cultural misunderstanding that seems to have popped up about beards.

Beards, have been around for basically about a billion years. There were beards since before we even had faces to have beards on them... Little microscopic organisms floating around in the primordial soup undoubtedly sported this face accessory, it's been documented. Finally, there have definitely been beards before Zack Galifianakis. I love him and all his stuff, but he's not the first person to have a beard! Stop telling everyone who has a beard that they look like Galifianakis, Or liking people only for their beards. There's a person behind that beard, you know? Open your shallow fucking minded eyes and try to see them for once. Your miserable little munchkins.

This one's for you Cobra, aka "Chips and Salsa"!


So, as it turns out, this was all part of an April Fools Day prank. Which is turning out to be a big thing for companies to fuck with consumers. Anyway, It doesn't take away from the passion and reality of my thoughts... Good day, hurt feelings on being fooled... Two years in a row, last year I got a phone call at like 6:30 AM from two of my friends who said they were locked up for DUI and on of them stashed some blow in her vagina and need me to bail them asap. The thing is that, it's not totally an unbelievable scenario from the rascals who duped me last year! I suck at April Fools...

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