Taking a Nut Shot No.1

... And hopefully the last of this post series! I went Mountain Biking with Tomas, who you may remember from "Tomas O'Reilly's" Candles and Such". But if you live in or around the Chicagoland area, bike and have never been to Palos Trails, you are missing out. I haven't really been biking too much yet this season and was without rear brakes. But I thought to myself, "How hard can it be?" Right after breaking the trail into the woods, I found myself in over my head with steep drops, tons of rocks, roots and stumps and not to mention crazy tight hairpin turns, WITHOUT REAR BRAKES. I managed to keep it together and not kill myself up to the first clearing where we made some adjustments to my rear brakes, getting them to work! Success! Now we could get into this. Everything was going well, and my confidence with the trails had reached a comfortably level. When BOOM, Rear tire came out and clipped a tree stump on a quick turn, rocketing the aluminum frame of my bike directly into my "bathing suit" area. I should have went down, but managed to bail and land on my feet. I was immediately reminded of the time I was BMXing in the woods on a family camping trip when I was around 10-11 years old and having something similar happen resulting in my peeing blood for a couple of days. I wasn't even concerned with the pain, just my ability to have children in the future. Fortunately, I think I absorbed most of the contact this time with the Perineum or the "Gooch, Chode or Taint" as some of you know it by. After returning home from 4 hours of riding I had to pee... No Blood! Woot! Anyway, sorry if this is grossing you out, but I'd like it to serve as a tool. The lesson to be learned here is this: If you gotta take a nut shot, don't take it in the nuts, take it in the Perineum! Brought to you by the Perineum Pretzel Factory. Really it's just dumb luck, as none of us are walking around expecting to get kicked or hit in the nuts. It's always just an unexpected way to ruin your life for an hour or so. The illustration below indicates the best place to take a nut shot if you can see it coming. Be careful out there everyone.