*THIS SHIT CONTAINS SPOILERS Y'ALL
Underworld Awakening... Or as I like to call it VR:UA:3D-WvsV4 (Vengence Returns: Underworld Awakening: 3 Dimensional - Werewolves Vs. Vampires 4). While me and my movie going mate (CDL) were concerned with the fact that this was the forth installment of a series, we both for the most part remembered nothing of... I took comfort in the assumtion that the filmmaker would catch us up in the beginning with some kind of time-lapsed vignette. I was right. It's gotten to the point where you can't even see a sequel to a film without one of these now. Think about it, they even do it for television shows that you saw the week before... They all start with "Last week on... (in my case "Pregnant in Heels") then they give you the recap of what things of "importance" you may have forgotten in the last few days. But I digress, this is in fact a review of VR:UA:3D-WvsV4. Going in I definitely had a feeling of excitement brewing deep... deep inside my plums. I always liked these movies even the 3rd one when the swapped KB (Kate Beckensale) out with some poor man's doppelganger of her, but it worked for me, and I assumed this would too. And it did for the most part. My initial problem with seeing a movie in 3D is that it always seems to serve as a distraction from the rest of the cinematic experience. I find it hard to focus on the storyline, I get dizzy, throw up violently and usually end up peeing a little or even bleeding at times. From what I can remember, it seems as though since the last time we saw KB in her leather dominatrix get up, she was involved in some kind of stand off with the Vampire police and it ended with her and "Michael" (the Vampire/Lycan halfbreed) getting blowed up underwater. She awakes 12 years later from a coma in a lab, in a world where the humans have all but eradicated the Vampire and Lycan population... Sorry, I have to push my glasses up on my nose sometimes when I'm typing, they're taped together in the center and they never stay up... Now let me slurp up a little bit of this extra saliva that's been collecting in my retainer... and we're good. SO, all the Lycans and Vampires have gone into hiding after the "Purification" or whatever kind of Holocaustic metaphor they're trying to use. We soon find out after her escape from the lab she was being held in, that she now has a halfbreed female bastard of a child to take care of, because her stupid "invincible" boyfriend from the last one couldn't stay alive. The Lycans want this little girl and will stop at nothing to get her. She's the only living halfbreed in existence and apparently she's like the key to everything, more powerful than any Vampire or Lycan. Which begs the question, if she can just rip werewolves heads in half (like she does in the first like 20 minutes of the movie)... Why doesn't she just do it the hole time and work these Lycans? Anyway, I've probably said too much, I'll put a spoiler alert at the top of this post in case you haven't seen it. I Don't know why you wouldn't have, unless you're some kind of god-damned idiot. But the rest of the movie is pretty "Underworldie", yeah, that's a good way to put it. The 3D was pretty cool at times, but again, the whole technology still feels a little forced and not necessary, I'd rather just watch an HD version I think. The violence was gratuitous, which is something I can appreciate and the Werewolves looked pretty sweet. Most of the Vampires were total pussies tho. I don't think I'm alone when I say that I think the idea of a Vampire needs to be re-"Vamped" from what it has become. No more dainty hipster vampires in leather Prada jackets. I liked the direction of "30 Days of Night" or the more recent remake of "Fright Night". Just straight killers, without a fashion sense or any kind of a conscience, pure killing psychopaths.
Since these movies hold a special place in my Nerd/Heart I'll give it 3.97 dethmarx out of 5. ( and most of that was due to the scene where she rips the Lycans head in half... that was radical.)
Quote of the Movie:
"My heart's not cold, it's broken"
-One of the first things Selene (KB) says to her freak, halfbreed kid after meeting her for the first time in 12 years.
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