Random shots No.1

I think I will occasionally post some pics from what I've been doin' and some stuff I've seen recently, most of the time it is pretty messed up... but sometimes it's okay, so here's the first suck it muthafuckas!!

If you can't sleep next to a pretty girl... a .38 special a Bennelli Tactical shotgun and a bunch of shotgun shells is a good replacement, for zombies and stuff.

Just bored and made this it's a fireworks skull thingy, I liked it so..

Another random pic of how great I look right after wakin' up

The baddest dog in the world part one...

My sweet-ass Xmas sweater

Little Jacob and his fucking chainsaw, killer dude!

Some bacon I was cutting that looked cool and checkered

The Fam Xmas '08... I'm the wreath in the background

Just watched "30 days of night" again today, crazy fog tonight but pic doesn't do it justice.

The baddest dog in the world part 2.

That's it for now, buenos suertes, and malo suertes.

Xmas Time!!!

I'm gonna start off by apologizing.. But the birth of "Christ", what a fucking joke. You realize the people who wrote this bullshit shat in holes that they dug in the desert with their hands.. and did not have iPhones.. Right? So whatever, you die, and go somewhere... maybe, but I'll bet when you get there and ask for "GOD", they'd be like, "who?!", or, "there's no one here by that name... There is a dude named ZORLOCK tho"... Just saying.. Merry Xmas Y'all.

Just Woke Up AGAIN!!

This how "good" I look when I am woken up by a bunch of pots and pans that just "fell" on the floor of my pantry. It's been a rough night to try and sleep over here. Passed out at about 12:30 am, then I had one of those dreams when you slip and fall and wake up all "What the fuck", actually to be exact I said "Jesus Christ!" Then I got a text from my boss at 12:52? saying something about work tommorrow, because we are supposed to be moving into our new office. Then the pans falling just a bit ago and now I'm up... and a little freaked out. I just put on "Sarah Silverman Program", and writing this, migrated from the couch to my bed. I think maybe I'll draw a little, me and a couple of friends are having a tattoo design contest... mine's gonna have something to do with hotdogs, or novelty food... like a corndog or someting, because that's kinda on my radar right now. Really all I wanna do is sleep, but that hasn't seemed to have been working out so good tonight, bummer! On the brighter side the days are slowly gonna start to get longer so that's good.

More Food I'm Eating Tonight.

These are some tacos, with black beans, chipotle sauce, cheese and chicken. yum. Also if you haven't seen a movie called "The Foot Fist Way", please do yourself a fucking favor and rent it or download it. It's amazingly hilarious, I've watched it like 6 times and it's still funny to me every time I check it. DUDE! the fucking Bears are blowing it! Assholes! I'm gonna blog so hard this week! at least I hope I will. I left my camera at Brad's on Sat. so the pictures might stink for a while. Oh and if you're reading this Brad, I texted you my FedEx acct number so pop that bitch over when you get a chance, thanks love. It's like -7 deg out side right now, I can't take this shit anymore, my fucking car got stuck on a frozen snow bank in my drive way. Took me like a fucking hour to get it out, fortunately my totally cool and helpful neighbor helps me out. Damn these tacos are not bad at all! Ugh, this is rediculous now I'm just eating so I have something to blog about, those nachos from earlier... 1400 calories! dang dude! I have eaten so much tortilla today, literally for every meal, it the poor man's bread. This is Big... 4th and 1 on the 3...we got it...phew.... still gotta get in the end zone tho! alright this does not make for good bloggin'. TD Forte! Okay I'm done!

Avoid Putting This In You...

All hung over and junk from a blaze of glory-ish "Sunday Funday", usually I treat myself to awesome, delicious, fast food when I feel like this. So today I hit up a little TB and was pretty stoked about trying these new "Fully Loaded Nachos" I've been seein' on tha TV. Ultimately, they are not very good, based on appearances, I was like "KaaKooow, these little mothafuckas are gonna be great". They were gross even though I still ate most of it, I felt like I was dying after consuming... so anything that makes you feel like that should not be placed into one's food hole. Oh and the tortilla bowl is terrible, so disgusting. Cruchwrap is where its at, I need to just order what I know I like, it's too dangerous to try new things. The pic below is what it looked like after I was done.

Oh and here is what I had for dinner, I am pretty poor right now so I pretty much have nothing to eat in my kitchen. I made "Turkey Dog and Potato Tacos", they are way better then they look, and they blow the doors off the Nachos I had earlier today. Basically, chopped it up throw it in the Wok added some gairdinara and cheese, and that's it yo. I'll probably eat again before I go to bed, I eat a lot on mondays because, I usually don't eat on the weekends. So when I make more food tonight I'll put up a picture. good bye fer now.

Train Blog No. 1

This is the first entry I'm putting up here via my iPhone, I'm on the train heading to a Xmas sweater party. I've never been to one... A party that is, from what I've heard sometimes they are fun. My main concern is that I've brought enough ball gags for everyone. It's gotten to the point where I simply refuse to get involved in any sexual scenarios with out the involvement of a ball gag. The sweater is pretty great it's a form fitting cadigan with snowmen and candy canes, for pants I'll just be without, after all it is my understanding that this is ultimately a fetish sex party. I'm pretty new to the scene but after watching "eyes wide shut" I was like okay it's go time, this is exactly the type of fucked up awesome shit I was born to do. The next step is "murder parties", or maybe ever "sex murder parties"... I know, I know, walk before you can run right? Just seems like the logical evolution of my leisure activities. For the record, just looking around the train now, pretty sure I can take anyone here.. Also I am drinking... Vodka/fruit punch G2/soda water... It's all I had and I'm trying to take the edge off from last night... Don't judge. Anyway, I'm out for now, gonna eaves drop.. And judge people. Woo Hoo!

Gerald Mathis Pithersworth III

This is the name that I gave my mini chicken that I met today, then later cooked and ate. Gerald was indeed a Cornish hen, but he was also a very good friend, even though I only knew him for about 5 minutes as I was prepping him for the oven. A man of few words he was but, I can be a be a bit of a "Chatty Cathy", so there wasn't much room for awkward silences. When I first took him out after bout 30 minutes, he looked pretty good but when I cut into one of his legs he wasn't quite done yet. I popped him back in for another 30 minutes, and viola he was looking pretty good. In the end Gerald was a very nice and delicious friend... I will continue to personify my food for the foreseeable future. I guess it is Friday, so I should probably go find a place to pour alcohol into my head and continue this vicious cycle known as life. Good night.

"Just Like The Good Ole Days!"

So thanks buddy (for anonymity I won't use your name), you hit me up with this gem today, and you're right, that's what my life (and ours) looked like not all that long ago (sans the mustaches). The late 70's and early 80's were nuts brah! I really don't know what else to say about this except... it's awesome... so is blow... so are boobs... and so are mustaches... good day! Hmmm, what else can I say... I was forced to go to Kinko's about an hour ago (I refuse to be associated with what came out of it) in an emergency. Kinko's is great if you ever want to settle for complete garbage, just hit these motherfuckers up, sheeesh! They suck so, so terribly at life. Whatever, I'm over it, they'll get whats coming to them, beliee dat!! Huh? Wait a minute I think that dude in the pic is Blagojevich, who is definately the type o' dude that would be just as classy as he is depicted in this fine illustration. What else? Oh! The Winter Solstice will be occuring around Dec. 21st-ish, so the good news is if you manage to survive the Warewolf / Vampire / Zombie / Shadow People / Succubi and or Incubi (depending on your sexual preference) / Doppleganger / Alien / Poltergeist / Shark Attacks, that will be happening that night, the good news is that the days will be getting longer, so that's good. In other news I guess I smoke again, which is awesome. I know that I smoke (officially) now because when I woke up this morning covered in silly string and Ukranian hookers, the first thing I did was reach for my Camels. That's all for now. You're all gonna get it... and I'm gonna give it!!

Sad Facts No. 2...

OMG! I have been slacking so hard this month, I wrote this in about 5 minutes just to get some new content up here so they are probably sub-par:

-If you voted in this last election (or any) it didn't matter. (I did, look at me participating and junk, so cute.)

-2012 draws closer as each second passes.

-Nothing that tastes good or feels good is good for you.

-You're reading this right now

-You genuinely enjoy at least one "reality" television show (myself included).

-Babies are occasionally found in dumpsters.

Absinthe

I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions about Absinthe in modern culture. Recently I purchased a bottle from "Sam's Wine and Spirits" over the weekend. Before I talk about the absinthe though, "Sam's" (not Sam's Club), is amazing, every type of beer, booze, wine whatever alcohol you can imagine.. they've got it, and free samples at the end of each ailse, so you can actually get a little drunk while you shop! Anywho, Absinthe was recently legalized here, in 2007, Absinthe (true Absinthe), was being sold again for the first time since 1912. When I say "True Absinthe" that means it contains the chemical compound Thujone, which is contained in the Grand Wormwood, The US law limits the amount of Thujone in absinthe to 10 mg/kg. Studies have shown that a majority of french absinthe contained somewhere between 6-12 mg/kg. So we are on track with that. Thujone was previously believed to stimulate the cannabinoid receptors in your brain like THC when you smoke dope, but they could not prove this. The previous bottle I had I ordered from Chech Rep. and it's claim was the "highest Thujone content" at I think like 33 mg or something like that. Basically, I don't think you can hallucinate from drinking absinthe I have drank a bunch and can't say I have every felt anything even close to hallucinating. Granted it will totally get you wasted because its usually like 100-120 proof, so there is that. The Bottle pictured is Le Tourment Vert, it's made in France, is 100 proof and I paid like $45.00 - 50.00, I like it.

Some Wrapping Paper

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I had this idea for wrapping paper, so if you're lucky enough to be receiving a gift from me over the holiday's expect to receive it wrapped up in this paper. At first glance it may appear as though these are harmless Christmas lights or something, but it is actually just a bunch of delicious pills. All kinds Uppers, Downers, Overs and Unders.

T-Shirt Idea

This is an idea I had for a T-shirt... T-shirts are awesome... I can't wait to drink some beer and listen to music... I'm going to a concert tonight... Suck my balls... Dorks!

FUCK

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A.D.D. On A Page

Hey, here is a cool doodle I drew, it ain't done yet but it will be at some point. I don't think I can work on it any more tonight because my hands are too shaky from being way too over caffeinated, this is probably also the reason I won't be getting to sleep at a reasonable time. I'm just glad my DVR is all filled up from Sunday. Some shows you should watch if you aren't already: The Life and Times of Tim (HBO), True Blood (HBO) and Dexter (Showtime). I'm gonna go watch these now, and eat a whole bunch of chicken. I am probably a chickens worst nightmare because I have eaten so, so many of them. Today I had Harold's Chicken Shack for lunch, so that is gangster is so many ways! Maybe I will blog again tonight but maybe not. As always you can click on the photo for detail of the drawing.

Penis Jokes Make me Laugh

I found this and thought it was funny because the word boner is used several times... and that is funny to me.

Random Band Names

Thinking of band names is a pretty fun thing to do when you're bored, so that's basically what this is. I put this list together in about 10 minutes so it's probably not stellar but, hopefully it will inspire other people to think of band names. Everyone knows, if you want to be a rock n' roll star, first thing is to figure out what your gonna call yourself. Next, you buy cool clothes, get some tattoos, cool hair, smoke and drink all the time and have tons of sex. If you are a dude, try and start looking slightly sexually ambiguous. After that, go around and start telling people your in a band and act dangerous. I think that's it, after you start doing all of this you will begin to draw some interest from major labels and after that, they basically write the songs for you, you're done good job rockstar, no go scoop yourself up a (Hanna Montana-ish) girlfriend and now your really done. Anyway here are some random names I just though of:

• The Lieutenant Generals
• We Only Kill Hookers
• Banana in Your Pocket
• Middle Management
• The Nutritional Facts
• Butt Tattoo
• The Mr. Mister's
• Wait... What?
• Alive and Deadly
• Porcelain Pork Chops

We had a pretty good one this weekend, it was "Houndstooth ???" Something, I can't remember, Oh well. Later.

Movies in 3-D!!!

Ah yes, that's right 3-d Bitches! Recently me and a ladyfriend of mine went to this awesome old theater by my house and saw "A Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3D, it was pretty F'ing cool. Then this past weekend we checked out this "horror" film called "House" which was kinda lame, but the saving grace was a trailer for a film called "My Bloody Valentine 3D". This one comes out in January and I am totally stoked brah! It looks awesome. But, it did get me thinking, why aren't all movies in 3D? They should be, No? When I think back I can recall a few 3D experiences that I thought were pretty cool. One being "Captain Eo" at Epcot Center starring Michael Jackson, it was legit fer sure. Another was Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" in 3D, that way also pretty damn cool. So to the film makers that are undoubtly reading CDS5000 all the time, please work exclusively in 3D, thank you! There was also a comercial for the DVD release of the movie "Journey To The Center of The Earth", starring skilled thespian Brandon Frasier, but they do include 3D glasses with the movie, so that's cool. Expect to see a lot more stuff in 3D, maybe if we are lucky they can even figure out a way to make life 3D, or dare I say 4D, what would that be like. I did manage to steal my 3D glasses from the movie the other night so I am ready to go.

Quick Update (Thur 10:25 am):

I just found this little 3D gem this morning too, There was a movie made back in the 70's called "Piranha", I liked it. So the are redoing it in the coming year and it's also gonna be in 3D! Here is the story in short: a tremor causes Arizona's Lake Havasu floor to open, setting free scores of prehistoric piranhas, Lake Havasu huh? at lease we'll get to see some boobs! below is some concept art.

Something I Bought Today

Not really sure why, but Ouija board popped into my head today, and I was like, "Why the Fuck do I not have one of these?". So after work I immediately drove to Toys R Us and was happy to find one there for $22.00, a sigh of relief washed over me as the lady who assisted me helped me find it (because I did not want to take the time to find it myself). So I now am the proud owner of a liaison to spiritual world (Sooo Sweet!). I haven't used it yet because it is kinda creeping me out, I was reading some shit on the internet (where u are now), and I dunno, I think I am psyching myself out or something. Actually, I wanted to take a picture of it just now with me giving the "thumbs up", but I don't even want to take it out of the box right now, so the picture is from earlier tonight. I went to the gym this evening where my mother works and was telling her about it, she apparently has had some weird experiences with one of these things back in the day, but I equate that to the fact she is a raging alcoholic and crazy. Ha! JK, I love you mum! if you ever read this thing, actually, I kinda hope you don't anymore, because there is some fucked up shit on here. What was I talking about? Ah yes the Ouija board, so I will sack up at some point and play with the thing, maybe I should get a little high before I do.. hmm, we'll see? I don't think I will ask it anything too taboo, mostly stuff about the High School Musical cast and the Zac Effron dude or whatever... that's kinda on my radar right now. In unrelated news I just watched this totally fucked up Japanese movie called "Audition", it's a slow starter, but gets totally fucked at the end, plus sub-titles can be a bit of a bummer. The director is the same guy that did "Ichi The Killer", which is also pretty darn sweet, but not for the squimish. If your into this type of thing, you should check it out.

Suicide, update...

You may have read my suicide post recently and I stumbled upon an interesting fact. My official ethnic background is Lithuanian (there is a spot of Hungarian in there too, like Keyser Söze), and several of my amigos have the same background, you know who you are, you sons of bitches. Anyway, Lithuania has the highest suicide rate per capita on the planet. So, I now see why my ancestors left that joint, it probably sucks pretty bad. I used to think I might like to go there at some point in my life, now I'm not so sure. Nah, I still would like to go.

My Doppelgänger Obsession...

I started writing a story about a person (me), who sees himself or is visited by himself, as a separate person. This other version of myself is telling me that I will die. Now, don't go breaking my balls about "this has been done, yadda, yadda", everything has been done asshole! So, anyway, I started doing some research on the subject and found out the term for this apparition of one's own self is called a "Doppelgänger", which is German for "Double Walker (Goer)". The whole idea of seeing myself as another person, just fucking creeps the shit out of me, and I actually have, in a dream anyway, and I assure you the context of this dream was generally terrifying, I will probably never forget it. Many famous people have claimed to have seen their own Doppelgänger, often times right before their death, Abe Lincoln and Queen Elizabeth to name a couple. There was a study done in Switzerland back in Sept. 2006, in which they were using electromagneti stimulation on a patient left temporal junction, during the study the patient described feeling their own presense and then actually seeming themselves. So the Doppelgänger thing could just be a failure of this region of the brain. The idea of it being something of the supernatural is way more... romantic, I guess, so I'm sticking with that. Just hope you don't ever see your self in your waking life because it probably is not a good thing.

Blaaaghh!!!

Sorry, I just threw up, this is my 100th post, above you'll see some of the great and life changing topics that have been covered on CDS5000. This blog has changed my life and I am sure it has changed millions of other peoples lives too. We've fuckin' touched the hearts of children and worthless elderly people all over the world. We've fuckin' raised money for the poor and hungry, helped spread world peace and even occasionally peed our pants when we had too much to drink. But, it feels like only yesterday, I decided to help make this fuckin', fucked up world a better place by creating this blog, and here we are 100 posts later. Drink it in motherfuckers, drink it in! Hopefully I will be quitting my job, and living full time on the streets, then I can really focus on writing here at CDS5000. Just congratulating, myself and my team of scientists from all over the globe that help make this blog possible. Your all the best you motherfuckers! especially you Timbo oh, and you too Ramsey, keep your nose clean gentlemen and lets continue to do this thing until the internet explodes!

Zombie Morning

This is a picture of my shower... It reminded me of Zombies... Everything reminds me of Zombies... I can't sleep tonight. This day seemed like a day that zombies would probably come and eat my brains so good and hard.

Jaws is the best movie ever...

Recently I have been thinking a lot about new potential tattoos, and I thought about this today, so I decided to mock it up and see if I liked the idea or not, so here it is. Jaws is (like the title says) the best movie ever sooooo, it'd be worth it. I want to do something on the ribs relatively soon, because it is totally fucking badass... and so am I. Fuck Yeah! Jaws!

Oh, Oh! here is another idea* that just popped into the old noodle...

*For the record, I am not a white supremacist or anything. I voted for Obama, sooo, pretty sure I'm cool with black people, now (like I wasn't already!), nor am I some kind of Jew hating anti-Semite. On the other hand, the harsh reality is that if I ever get incarcerated for an extended period of time, I will have to allign myself with the Aryan Brotherhood, for survial purposes. Sorry, thats the way it goes in prison, obviously I will try my best to avoid this scenario, thank you for your time

My Bloody Foot

Hey, I was sitting around, feeling just not great, so I decided to hop on my bike and go get some of that Emergen-C stuff. It's a powdered Vitamin C supplement and I find it makes me feel good... I guess, not as good as blow though, that makes you feel REALLY good. So anyway, rode my bike to Jewel and went to hop up the little yellow curb by the bike rack and (because it was wet) my back tire slipped and I fell down :( I actually like falling down. I feel that falling and tripping is pretty much the funniest thing in life, so I will gladly take one for the team occasionally. Also I cut my foot on the bike chain and it looks pretty sweet so enjoy the photo, and don't masterbate to it, ya sickies! I should probly clean that huh?

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Rainbows and Chocolate Bunnies

There is a new trend emerging in today's world and it is getting big and totally hot, it's called suicide and it's definitely worth a try. Not sure how accurate this list is but it is all I can find as far as the top ten most common forms of suicide. the list is as follows: 10. Drowning - Like either you drive you car of a bridge or jump of a cliff into a large body of water. 9. Electrocution - By jamming a eating utensil into a wall outlet or taking a bath with your toaster. 8. Cutting - Taking a razor or knife to a major artery. 7. Jumping - Throwing your body off of a high building or something like that. 6. Suffocation - You know all those plastic grocery bags you have, toss one over your head and this is how you will go. 5. Carbon Monoxide Poisoning - The whole hose in the tail pipe or running car in the garage thing. 4. Poison - Taking a substance internally like; cleaners, industrial fluids, diazepam, cyanide, and the like. 3. Hanging - Tie a noose and uh, you know how it goes from here. 2. Drugs and Alcohol - Take a shitload of pills, hard drugs even booze can help u off yourself! 1. Guns - Probably the most surefire (ha!) way of doing it, bullet to the head and your done.

My top 5 better ways of doing it:

5. Volcano Sacrifice - Dress up like a tribesman do a bunch of shrooms, acid or peyote, and hurl yourself into the mouth of a Volcano. 4. Blow Shit Up - Get like a bunch of explosives, a fast car, some death metal and crash into a gas station or tanker truck. 3. The Greatest Wave - You know that last scene in Point Break where Johnny Utah tracks down Bohdi in Australia and lets him ride the killer waves, yeah that would be pretty Gnar! 2. Man vs. Beast - Go and have yourself a fight with a Great White Shark / African Lion / Grizzley Bear. 1. Sex - Basically getting fucked to death would probably be the best way to kill yourself, not exactly sure how it would work but whatever.

Slow News Day

Just so you know what your getting for $8.95, it is an actual Chinese Chicken Salad,
I made 50 salads last night so get them while they are fresh, we will ship worldwide.

I feel I must apoligize, I wish there was something to talk about (new wise) on this glorious Tuesday... The weather is nice, I actually wore shorts today, because this is probably the last time this year I will be able to do so. Now that daylight savings time, it gets dark at noon so I cut my grass at 7:00 a.m. today, pretty gangster. Shorts are great, I mean REALLY great, don't you think? Here is something of note, I will be selling limited edition Chinese Chicken Salads on CDS5000, for $8.95 ea. So if you would like YOUR OWN, limited edition CDS5000 Chinese Chicken Salad (edition of 50), hurry up and order. If you order in the next 48 hours enter the promo code: "RapeVan 08", you get a free CDS5000 limited edition menu item of equal or lesser value. Other menu items include; Chinese Chicken Chili Cheese Dog, Chinese Chicken Meat Lovers Pizza Puff, Chinese Chicken Country Fried Steak and Eggs, and finally, Chinese Chicken Southwestern Style Egg rolls. There has been some talk about these suits, named Barack and John, not sure what it's about though they are probably on dancing with the stars or something.

I also wroth this Haiku like 5 seconds ago:

I Love My Wiener,

My Wiener Is My Best Friend,

I Killed A Man Once.

Dead or Alive

I made this today, when I was bored and an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Satan spends so much time in there already I need to stay busy or else my blood lust will continue to grow and I will continue to kill. Last night I noticed an old painting in my living room, and it said, "Your Worth More Dead Than Alive". I added in the line "So Go Ahead And Kiss Your Fucking Ass Goodbye :)". There is a picture of myself at the end because I'm a complete egomaniac and would ultimately rather look at photos of myself than anything else. Or, as Dennis said in regard to pictures, "if people aren't have sex, or I'm not in any of them, I'm just not interested". So yeah, basically thought the saying had a nice ring to it, threw in some cool photos and that's it. My main motivation for this is that we are all soooo Fucked!... S my D, and thank you.

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I Am Soooo Over It!

Yeah so this 365 photo thing... fuck that shit, seriously fuck it sooo hard, I am done with that, it was a gay idea to begin with. So, don't mistake my anger for frustration in my lack of ability to overcome my A.D.D., because it ain't so drop it already, FUCK! It's getting dark and hell is hot.

Cheese Balls! - Day 18 of 365

For some reason there is a gigantic container of cheese balls at work, no body is really eating them but I think that is the plan. The really cool thing is that I sprinkled some poison on them just in case someone eats them, how funny am I! Maybe its the suspicious name of the brand, they are "UTZ", not Planters or Cheetos. So I think maybe we are just cheese ball snobs and won't eat the cheap shit. Fuckin' cheese balls man.

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Mung... What The FUCK!

This is just fucking terrible and disgusting, a friend of mine by the name of, well, we will just call him "Brad" for anonymity, brought this to my attention after reading about the "Rape Van". Plus he is in the witness protection program because he witnessed the suicide of a mafia lawyer, and a district attorney tried to use him to take down a mob family. Wait I think that is "The Client" with Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones. Whatever so back to this whole "Mung" thing, there are several definitions of what "Mung" or the art of Munging actually are. So here is, again from the "urban dictionary" some definitions of this... thing:

1. Mung
Use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner proceeds to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging.

2. Mung

You and a friend dig up a not-too-recently deceased woman, preferably over 60 years in age. You lay her face up on the ground and you put your mouth on her vagina. Your friend takes a running start and jumps onto her stomach. You eat whatever comes out into your mouth.

I am so, so, so very sorry for even putting this up here but for one reason or another, I just needed to. Thank you "Brad" for bringing this to our attention, you are a true American Hero.

Mickey Loves Ya - Day 16 of 365

There was an all day Rocky marathon on the MGM HD channel on Sat. so I was inspired to wear my "Mickey" while I watched. The quality of the photo is lousy, because it's from my phone but I want to keep this 365 thing legit ya know. Rocky is the best, not as good as Jaws though or German snuff.

Another 666 - Day 15 of 365

This is the knee of a pair of my pants, the wear on the knee looks to me like the number 666, maybe I am just obsessed with Satan or something, I'm not sure. But yeah I think its there, so the makers of this particular pair of pants are satanists.

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Mirror - Day 14 of 365

A mirror... just a picture of the mirror, again, I used my phone to take it so the quality is garbage. But I was a little bad this week at posting pictures, so I am going back through my pictures to find ones that were take on the days I should have posted them.

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Condesation - Day 13 of 365

This is the condensation on the cup of my "Diet Coke" that I enjoyed with my 20 Piece Chicken McNuggets, Double 1/4 Pounder w/ Cheese, Crispy Chicken Bacon Ranch and Large French Fry. It's cool though because I have a tapeworm, named Henry.

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What is a "Rape Van"? How can I Avoid One?

Nobody likes the idea of being raped in a grungy old van, or really anywhere for that matter. One sure way to avoid the infamous "Rape Van" is to familiarize yourself with what it is. The urban dictionary defines it as this:

A certain type of van with no windows on the sides, usually from the 70's or 80's, and in poor aesthetic condition. Implies that it is the type of ride often chosen by a rapist.

I know, I know, some of you out there might be asking; "Hey there Mr. Mikey, didn't you have a van in high school? Are you a Rape Van?" The answer is, NO, I am not a rapist and my van was not a Rape Van. If you look at the above definition of Rape Van, you will see that it is from the 70's and 80's. the van in question was made in the year 1990... so, I'm in the clear and so were you! It's scary to think how many of my good friends I would have raped in that thing if it had been made just one year earlier. That's some pretty scary stuff. So in general just stay away from creepy looking vans because they are most likely a "Rape Van". Godspeed everyone.

Rainin' n' Junk - Day 12 of 365

It's raining tonight, has been all day I think, this is taken looking out my front door, where my gutter is clogged causing it to leak all of the place like a damn bastard. This is getting boring and I still have 353 days left... It will be a miracle if I actually make it all the way through a year. I was trying to watch the debate this evening but the damn dish just couldn't keep it going so I had to resort to the DVR, and watch the same Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes I have watched about a trillion times. I'd should be drinking right now but whatever.

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Food to Eat - Day 11 of 365

Here we have the partial prep work for a delicious little stir-fry I made for myself for dinner, shredded carrot, baby corn, asparagus and the knife I used to cut it all up. The same knife I have used to cut up oh so many homeless people in my day. See, what you do is bait them, give them five dollars here and then until they begin to expect it. Park your car in the alley, then later that evening, tell them you have a flat and you will give the 50 bucks if they help you for a minute. Ask them to set the jack, make sure no one is around and go to town on that homeless, screaming, "You won't be stealing anyone else's laptop bag, with their favorite sketch book in it from their office anymore will you." Good evening!

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