CDS5K TODAY!

... Is it "ridden", "riden", "rode"?... grammar has never been a strong suit.  gotta start throwing some vine's up on this mutha fucka. sorry... I'm getting kinda of drunk... I'm just trying to keep this blog streak alive. So that when I'm seventy I can inject this post into my veins and remember how great it was.

Other Breaking NEWS! 
CDS5K PacNorWest will be doing some snooping around the San Francisco/Eureka(BigfootCountry)/Portland Area in May!!!! Stay tuned for dick pics!!!

More of Me to Love?

Okay, no big deal, 20lbs in the last year (thanks GrubHub!), A Chicago winter will do that to you, consistently has for the better part of the last 10 years. What never ceases to amaze me though, is the fact of what a physically gifted freak I am. Oh, man, see you in a couple weeks six pack. #perfectbody #bosozuko_abs69 #CDS5K

... I don't know why I'm hash-tagging... Maybe I get the impression that more than 1 person will read this if it's hash-tagged...  It's all an illusion though... like that movie where LDC was an illusionist.... or I mean a Dream Catcher... Not a Steven King one though... Did you know that Steven King used to get so fucking drunk and high while he was writing, a lot of times, he wouldn't remember the story. For Example, "Christine" the one where the car is sentient and can kill bitches who be trying to get up on her man. Well, King has no memory of writing this one... Or maybe that's just what he says...

Also, don't think I'm being all boasty about getting in shape, I'm just kidding... It's just sometimes, when you have as much money as I do, you just think everything and everyone is so stupid. But hey, the world needs ditch diggers too after all. But seriously, it's about the children, it always has been. CDS5K out. #keepitgoing #losesomewieght #makesomemoney #fallasleep

#falseconfidence...

#jkforreal...

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder

CDS5K x Bōsōzoku

I managed to find another amazing example of Japanese sub-culture to personally obsess over known as BOSOZOKU. It's mostly a way to customize your car or motorcycle in a bizarro-ass Japanese way. Think like low rider car club style, but with that certain Japanese pop and charm. Bōsōzoku, wasn't always a weird car club for dork ass nerds (like it appears to be now). The word Bōsōzoku translates to American speak as "Violent Running tribe". Motorcycle gangs of kids in their late teens and early 20's, would recklessly cruise the streets of 1970's and 80's Japan in large groups causing general mayhem. They were known to assault people protesting their kaminari zoku or "Thunder Tribe", with wooden swords, metal pipes, baseball bats and Molotov cocktails. Starting back in the 1950's, they were just straight up biker gangs, from poor ass neighborhoods, being like, "fuck you guys, this shit sucks... so suck our shit!" Beautiful! Also, after turning 20 years old, a lot of these dudes would get a lower ranking position in the Yakuza, pretty cool! Unfortunately, Bōsōzoku have evolved to be, as I stated earlier, nerds with custom cars and bikes. Best I can tell they basically use their bike to just weave back and forth as they drive honking horns... come on guys. Get your shit together, cause some mayhem!... On that note, Japan is not a place known for fucking around with its law enforcement. They will just lock your ass up for a fucking grip and be like, "There asshole, still wanna be an asshole? You just lost 5 years, Try again." So, I get it, OBEY!!! Anyway the star of the show for me is the bikes and the riders themselves, look at this cray-cray shiz. I tried to keep most of my examples as OG as possible, there is a lot of newer crap out there... Also, there is just generally not a lot of stuff out there on the Bōsōzoku. Some guy is trying to kickstart a documentary... Also it looks like there might be a Taschen type art book out there on the Bōsōzoku... Enjoy the photos!

I'm Sorry, Can You Make a Lil' Room...

...for my diamond hard nerd boner I'm sporting after watching this.

I understand that words like "boner" combined with Hugh Jackman can be misconstrued into some very homoerotic implications. But, I wanna assure you that I'm as straight as they come, hit me up on facebook or like tweet at me or like vine me some shit, and I'll prove it. Anyway, that's the kinda thing that made me hate up on the movie poster for this I saw a while back. I was like, Jackman, in leather pants, shirtless, just the right amount of misted rain highlighting his muscley back, all while holding the phallic handle of sword!?!... "Gheeeeeeeeeeyyy!"... Now it looks like I may be full on actual "Gay" for this movie... We'll just have to wait I guess'em... I wonder if wolverine really is gay. Does he ever hook-up with babes in the comics? I'm sure. I'll look into it. Below is the original Supe-Gay first poster for The Wolverine 3D...

OMG!!! I was hoping they would have better new posters... Are you kidding me? Uh, hey Marvel, I can definately help you guys out with some movie posters if you want... Just saying.. WTF?

 Well, whatever. The movie still looks pretty fucking sweet.

Stoner Sandwich Club: Number A

All to often, I find myself going from not very hungry... to super hungry, like a switch. When these hungers arise you're confronted with a question of, what can I eat as fast as possible with a maximum return on taste for your bro face? Sometimes, I open my refrigerator to reveal a hearth of glutinous solutions to my "hunger problem"... Other times, it's remnants from a by-gone meal, scraps, which on their own are almost unusable. But it's times like the latter, when you just gotta take one extra vape and figure out some shit like a God-Damned American Man!... Pretty sure that's what I just did, in a dark moment of already have eaten my left over stir-fry from last night I whipped up this tasty little fuckin' bitch, soon to be appearing in your local gastro-pub, I'm Calling it: "The Million Dollars, Go Fuck YouSelf, Gimme Dat, Sam Slam"

All I had as I searched my barren cold cupboard, was some Swiss Cheese, Veal Chorizo, some Chili Oil, Poppyseed dressing and some Salted Rye Bread. Turns out all these things together are fucking on point. The perfect storm of deliciousness all packed into a lil baby bite-sized sandwich.

I'm quite hopefully certain that this sandwich... from SSC No. A (Stoner Sandwich Club: Number A)... Will bring me all the blood-drenched, fame, fortune and glory that I deserve! See ya guys later, when I'll be watching you sleep.

CDS5K Reviews Random Internet Yeti Art: Number 4

So, I hope it's not starting to seem like I have some kind of Nazi obsession, I don't! But, pretty crazy that I find two Yeti x Nazi related examples in the minimal (it's not minimal) amount of image re-con I've been pulling on the Yeti (Ye-Tay). This is truly an incredible Yeti, First off, He's a Yeti... Then we see he's a Doctor! Then a Cyborg Nazi!? WTF-YDCN?! This thing looks really bad ass... Except for his little bicycle shorts... May as well strap a pair of Roller Blades on Doc Yeti! I pulled from DeviantArt by a person named "Meyer 08". This person created an entire cast of charecters like this in what I imagine hopefully became a cool looking book... I will have to look into that, all the info is there. I still have to compute it tho... bummer. Anyway, based on all of that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $900.00. These prices MEAN SOMETHING!!!! That's a Good Yeti! Y'all! Arriba Arriba! BANG!

CDS5K YETI ATTACKS!

This Week in Cheeseburgers

In this edition of This Week in Cheeseburgers, we're gonna look at this tasty little fucker which in America is known as the Bread Cheese Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Yo, and based on the name, It straight up looks like that bread is made of cheese y'all.

CDS5K Reviews Random Internet Yeti Art: Number 3

Oh man, what a treat this is. Possibly one of the best Yeti pieces... yet... Shit! See, people are gonna think you are a fuckin amateur if you keep saying things like "Yeti... yet." Anyway, what you're looking at is the OHOGOY, Orhtadox Hasitic Original Gangster Oi Yeti. These Yetis fucking hate Nazis and Skins, for obvious reasons. They are super punk rock for a primitive hominid species. This was definitely made by a Nazi, pretending to be anti-Nazi by painting these Yetis. Based on that, this YAMV$ (Yeti Art Market Value) is floating right around $450,000. The most valuable piece of Yeti art to date!!! These are good Yetis!

CDS5K Dream Catcher No. 1

I have been noticing my dreams are way more crazy, vivid and memorable since I have been taking things like 5-HTP and other Nutropics prior to falling asleep. I'll keep this short since hearing about someone else's dreams is about as fun as looking at pictures you are not in. So here's how our phone conversation would have gone if you called me in the midst of my sweaty fever dream this early morning.

You: Hey, what are you up to?

Me: Oh not much, just running down the huge Mahogany lined hallways of my mansion, that kinda reminds me of my high school. I can't seem to find naked Jessica Beil anywhere, I can hear her though. Also, it looks like I'll be in San Francisco next Saturday, so I'm in on that Sushi restaurant on Alcatraz! Latro!

Drone of UFO?

It's usually pretty easy for a UFO to become an IFO, and there are a lot of cookaroo UFO conspiracy theorists that think these things are all around us. They are right! UFO's are all around us and there is about a 50/50 shot that the UFO you see, is being piloted by an extraterrestrial form of intelligent life, or just an ordinary thing you can't seem to identify. Here is the first example.

The object you see in the upper right hand corner of this famous UFO internet photo. Is one of two things. A little space ship, being flown by space men, who are just scoping out your shit. Or a little Earth ship, being flown by Earth men, who are just scoping out your shit. Either way, it sucks because you're getting straight perved on. But in this case...

We are dealing with Earth men who have built little flying terminators to keep an eye on, or just kill you, if and when you step out of line. How can this possibly go wrong? It can't. Besides it's way more comforting to know that it's a red-blooded American flying around like that watching on me, not some Commie Terrorist Space Man...

CDS5K Reviews Random Internet Yeti Art: Number 2

Continued from Previous post...

Britany H. from the pretty great year of 2011. You, did this. You're the only one we have to blame for the gruesome sight before us. By gruesome of course you know, I mean brilliant. Who would have thought to have a Yeti kill a kids face off? A person who is probably really smart and funny named Britany H., that's who the fuck who. Based on that, I'm placing a YAMV$ of $12,500.00, Guud Yeti Y'all!

This is a Really Good Kind of Candy Bar...

It's called like, Aerooooo, and it's like, totally new. You may never have seen something like this. I know that I may certainly not have... seen this. It's made by Nestle and they must be horrible right?... let's see... Well I guess back in the 70's they breached the World Health Organizations standards on baby milk and lied about it. But, I'm no baby. This shit popped off soooo, muthafuckin' hard when I bit into it, I was like woooOOOooo DaaaAnm! I felt as though the air tight mint bubbles, containing mint bubble air for extra flavor popped off particularly hard. It's like my strong mouth had no problem just crushing through these little mint air bubbles and absorbing all the mint air.

I give this candy a score off  100 out of 100 points.

Only an Asshole wouldn't Wear These...

This is a rill thing... like for rill... They only $49.00 tho...

BUY NOW>

Delish-tagram Dinner of March 6th

First you open it up, and you look at it.

Next time you look at it, it should be browned lightly on the outside.

Next time, it should be in a cast iron dutch oven with Pan Saver for easy clean-up... Also, it has picked up some amigos, or friends. Very old carrots and potatoes. Other friends are Merlot, the red wine and expensive BBQ sauce made with apple butter.

(SIDEBAR)
I'm sorry... They say "Faggots" a lot in the movie "the Warriors" huh?, I've never seen it before?! But it's playing on Netflix as I type right now!

This is the last time you look at... Oh yeah, these are beef short ribs... Pretty Good.

CDS5K Reviews Random Internet Yeti Art: Number 1

In the midst of the blizzard happening and having nothing to do today... I explored a Google image search for "yeti face", then just "yeti", then the winner: "yeti art". There are billions of Yeti fans on the internet just making art about the Yeti. Literally, the internet Yeti Art Market (YAM) is totally flooded right now. CDS5K will float you through this flood explaining the difference between "good" and "bad" Yeti art, along with an appoximate Yeti Art Market Value $. Again, it's like the Wild, Wild, West out there, and Sheriff CDS5K, aka Satan, is in town to boot some skullz!

INTERNET YETI ART REVIEW BEGINS*

What a positive way to come out of the gate! This is pretty much a classic style of Yeti. The depiction falls into WHBFB, or White Haired BigFoot Basically. He looks like some kind of good luck Yeti. This artist has a strong chance of being Asian. Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $5,000.00, it's a good Yeti!

Fantasy Yeti's (FYs) will not be tolerated. Imagine how great that would look taxidermied over a snow garden, though... Mmmm, I'm back on board. This is pretty good Yeti art. Possible made by a lesbian...? Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $10,000.00.

Ahhh, a delightful depiction of the SBSY, or SilverBack Sketch Yeti is unlike the first happy Yeti, in that, you are not quite sure if this guy wants eat you, pay you no mind or be your best friend? But based on his red beady eyes, you can be sure that this is a good Yeti gone bad. He will kill you. Made by "doug-buddy" as seen in his picture that I "borrowed"... But, I mean look at the value you diverse groups of artist are getting for these pieces you probably assumed were worthless! Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $6,500.00, it's a good Yeti!


Crikey! It's the WBLJY, or the WilliamsBurg Lumber Jack Yeti! It's also, sometimes referred to as the Yes Yanderson Yeti, an extremely valuable subset in the Yeti Art Market. This piece was possibly created by a female art school student, who Spanks Off to Bill Murray movies. Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $10,000.00, That's a Good Yeti Y'All!

Oh Boy... This is tough. I managed to stumble upon a truly close depiction of the RNFCY, or the Recurring Nightmare From my Childhood Yeti. That's right, I had a recurring nightmare as a child in which a bloody Yeti was chasing me. It was right around the time I first saw the Yeti try to rape Luke from Empire Strikes Back, stuck with me I guess. This was made probably by a well adjusted 15-45 year old male, who plays a lot of sports and has a lot of sexual encounters with pretty girls... It's not me guys... Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $3,500.00, it's a scary, but good Yeti!

What a treat! The Derek Hess Hanna Barberra Steez Mock-Up Yeti, or DHHBSMUY. What the artist has done here is portray a 60's / 70's Hanna-Barberra-esque-Steez Yeti, but it's still in the Concept / Sketch-up / Storyboard Phase. There is such a high demand for this kinda of stuff in the YAM. It's like the people are buying the pooch before the farm hands get the water boilin'! This brilliant piece asks the classic question; Who is the hunter and who is the hunted? The artist is a former Disney Imagineer, who always and only wanted a version of Hunger Games where Catniss was a dude who's sketchy penis is visable and hunts a Yeti. Based on that, I'm putting the YAMV$ at $20,000.00, that's a good Yeti! Why are these getting longer?...

*This is simply a review of art that I have found on the internet. I am not attempting to sell or gain any capital from the images portrayed. I'm free promoting the art of brilliant Yeti artist in the name of the Yeti Art Market (YAM).