Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-02/10n

lots o' green on my desk tis mornin'... St. Patrick's Day is coming up soon... Day Drinking Debauchery = A Favorite Thing.

Racist Auction

I was poking around on eBay the other night from the couch via my informationPhone. Usually I shop for shark related items and memorabilia, and usually the items I come across are not really racist. To be honest I'm not even sure if this is racist (pretty sure it is), I don't see "color", understand? So have a look for yourself...

click make big

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-02/10m

Not a great way to start the day, I pulled this thing out of my tire after running over it. I think it was part of a bike lock that some kids in the hood, maliciously placed in a crack in the road. That's just the way my paranoid brain works anyway.

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-02/10j-l

Sleepy baby angels just funzin' around

After a delightful brunch @ Dunlay's on Sunday, we walked over to the "Megamall", where I saw this beaut! The ground clearance was higher than most SUVs, I wanted a pic of me crouching down next to it but there was an angry looking Cholo inside the doorway watching it.

Lounging in brown... wait that doesn't sound great... :(

Thoughts on a Movie No. 12

Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins star in something that at first seemed totally radical and the more I think about it, actually was. All the make-up and special effects were pretty cool. There ended up being more CG than I expected, but the shots and scenes showing the make-up work definitely added to the old time horror movie nostalgia. Just because we have they ability to computer generate awesome imagery these days doesn't mean it should be done to death. "The Wolfman" is basically about a middle aged woman who is having an affair with this dude that works at the blockbuster by her house, but used to work at UPS and is thinking about going back. Er... I mean it's a kick ass movie set in 1890 about Werewolves, Gypsy's and some British people that don't necessarily talk like British people. The main British people live in this huge but slightly decrepit and spooky castle/house thing. Again these movies have been increasing the violence and gore lately which adds to their value. In my favorite scene a guy holding a gun gets his arm ripped off and nerve impulses make his detached arm fire the weapon as it's laying on the ground. All in all this was a pretty darn fun and exciting movie and I would recommend it, just pure good fun, mindless enjoyment, which is perfect for my attention span, this was a cool thing to look at.

I'll go like 4.12 out of 5

Quote of the Movie: "I will kill ALL of you" -Benicio right before turning into the Werewolf.

Dancing Predators

This could be in the new category "Too Cool to Title"... but let's just call this what it is. Also there is a new "Predators" in development, and the cast is looking pretty impressive: Topher Grace, Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne and Danny Trejo to name a few, not to mention Robert Rodriguez is attached as a producer on this nugget! The release is slated for July 7th 2010.

*also if you click on the box of the window in the lower right hand corner you can turn off all these youtube peoples "hilarious" commenting of the video.

Quick Tips to Fancy Living No. 2

Today's quick tip is about bathroom hygiene: "I think I'm gonna start washing my hands before I go pee, I mean my penis is pretty clean. Its my hands that need to be washed in the hand to penis equation."

...sorry for saying penis and I'm sorry if this is too racy for some readers.

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-02/10i

Occasionally, I will wake up in the middle of the night in a full on "MEAT RAGE". God help anyone who gets in my when during an episode. It's happened a couple of other times where I'll just "come to" in some wooded area, naked, covered in blood, next to some kind of half eaten animal... Which brings me to the conclusion that I might be a "Teen Wolf"... But not a teenager... but a Teen Wolf fer sure!

Shawn White's Coach has a Real Piss Mouth

I heard it because I was watching live, but Bud Keene, Shawn White's coach said some bad words live on NBC's Olympic coverage. Who gives a fuck though really, I guess some people do, but I certainly don't give a fuck, or at least I didn't give a fuck until I looked a little closer at what exactly was said. Here is a transcript of the convo* they shared right before his final run last night.

Keene: What do you want to do?
White: I don't know, man. Ride down the middle?
(Chorus of noes.)
Keene: No, have some fun.
White: Drop a double mick?
Keene: Yeah, drop a double mick at the end, and yell out "Fucking Jews, Go Home!". Do whatever you want and Fucking send those Jews a message! Make sure you stomp the Shit out of any Jews you see down there too.
White: Fuck That! You're Fired, Anti-Semite Fuck, You Messed Up Girl! I'm Out!

This all happened live last night, I was shocked, I wonder why Keene has such a problem with Jewish people.

*Don't shoot the messenger here, these statements are highly offensive.

Thoughts on a Movie No. 11

The Road
(BIG TIME SPOILER AT THE END OF PARAGRAPH!)
Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Bobby Duvall, Guy Pierce and a little kid star in this feel good, post-apocalyptic story of survival. The sky is gray, there is no life and much of the life that remains consists of murderous groups of cannibals. It's never really explained as to what caused this impending global extinction, but I'm guessing it was probably one of those Cloverfield monsters from a couple of years ago. I bet that's it this is Cloverfield 2: The Aftermath, we can all agree on that right? Okay so, we follow a father and son making there way through this desolate, abandoned world scavenging for food and supplies. Occasionally the father (Viggo) will flash back in time to pre-apocalyptic times, this creates a nice contrast from the gray world to a world vivid color. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that you do get to see Viggo's bare ass in this one. I'm starting to think it's in his contract that he show us his butt at least once in each movie. Viggo and the little kid are both really good in this movie though, the visuals are great too. Viggo dies, books are for stooges! suck it y'all!

Let's say 4.06 out of 5

Quote of the Movie: "Whoever made humanity will find no humanity here, no sir, so beware, beware!" -Bobby Duvall as the Old Drifter

Quick Tips to Fancy Living No. 1

Hello, last night I was domesticising, cleaning up around the house and I realized I was out of Swiffer wipes to clean the kitchen and bathroom floor. So this brings me to my quick tip to fancy living: "If you run out of Swiffer wipes, use a few sheets of paper towels and spray them down with Fantastik* or some other kind of all purpose cleaner."

*This post is brought to you by Fantiastik All Purpose Cleaner and Big Dog Boner Pills.

Thoughts on a Movie No. 10

Ninja Assassin

The action and fight scenes were really cool, tons-o-blood and over the top violence! It was at times a little too CGI heavy and just generally kinda ridiculous... But when you pop in "Ninja Assassin" a little bit of ridiculousness is to be expected. Since I was a little high while I watched this, I keep going back and forth trying to figure out if "NA" was "really cool" or "really shitty". There was one moment when the Ninja clan was about to execute our protagonist for betraying the clan on moral grounds, when I was like "I think this movie might be amazing"! Right as I completed the thought, like four Hummers with mounted machine guns bash in the gate and start blasting all these super bad ass Ninja. Furthermore, the Hummers are being driven by some kind of ambiguous International Ninja Task Force (okay not ambiguous, we'll call them "INTF"). I retracted my previous thought about "NA" being "amazing" immediately thereafter. By entertainment standards the Pros outweigh the Cons here, and if you feel like watching Ninja fuck the fucking shit out of shit, then I proudly recommend "Ninja Assassin".

I will give it a 3.15 out of 5

Quote of the Movie: "I have reason to believe that a group of Ninja may be on their way here!" -Ambitious Young Lady Cop

Too Cool to Title No. 1

There's always a small chance that you'll come across something great when interneting around, something great that ISN'T PORN!... You sick son of a bitch... Pull up your pants!... Disgust me! Now here is Jeezo holding a baby raptor:

Shark Greeting Cards

I had the idea to make a line of greeting cards for all occasions. Here is an example of one that I made for a nice young lady on St. Valentine's Day.

Outside

Inside

Bio-Dome Today

I'm sure most of you remember 1996's laugh riot known as "Bio-Dome", I've actually been meaning to revisit this film for a while, I keep forgetting though because I have to remember to do important things (I'm downloading it while writing this actually). There was a story on Gizmodo a little while ago, talking about an abandoned "Bio-Sphere", take a fucking guess where they filmed "Bio-Dome"?... In the muthafuckin' Bio-Sphere!! The initial "Bio-Sphere" experiments were a lot like I remember the probably still awesome movie, "Bio-Dome". Teams of scientists would live in this enclosure for extended periods of time with out being able to leave. Over the course of development and experiments from 1985-2007, over $200 million dollars was invested in the Bio-Sphere. A real estate developer bought it for $50 million in 2007 with plans of building homes, and a resort/spa. Unfortunately this never panned out either :( that would have been pretty cool to live or vacation in the Bio-Sphere. For a good amount of time it was being used for nothing, just abandoned but it was recently purchased by Univ. of Arizona for tours and research and stuff. Below you'll find some pictures of the Bio-Sphere whilst it was essentially abandoned and a (weak sauce) map. click to enlarge

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-02/10h

Sharktopus = Green Light @ SyFy

This movie is to start production very soon, don't know when it will be released but here's some concept art and a sweet t-shirt to fuel the fire! For more exciting news on this, try these links: Link Number A and Link Number Bee

Metal Album Cover of the Month: February

Carnifex - Hell Chose Me
I downloaded this album strictly because of the cover art. It's pretty fucking crazy though, good work out or killing music I guess.

Cell Phone Pics - CDS5k-02/10a-g

I really slacked off this week on the blog here, so I'll put up a bunch of pictures that I took with my cellular telephone that has a built in digital camera.

Salmon Cakes I made for myself recently, also with a spicy chili cocktail sauce.

They were trying to unload all the Tigerade at Jewel. More like "FUCKUS!" am I right people!? You do the math! (pushes up sleeves of sport jacket), I'm a stand-up comedian from 1989... Alright never mind, suck my dicks, you jerks!

If you pumpernickel eatin' mutha... haven't revisited this in a while, DO IT! It's also helpful to watch it in your bed on your laptop, while you're a little high.

This a photo of me with some dead guys from a long time ago, circa 1958.

Potato Pizza that I made when I had a pizza party for myself.

Sometimes you just gotta let your Josh Grobens (balls) hang out when you're domesticising (doing house things).

There was an election recently, so I made my own lawn signs. "Ghost Shark" is my alter-ego.

Killing People with Mac Products

This is funny because I was laying in bed the other night holding my iPhone, appreciating it's weight and durability and I thought, "I wonder if anyone has ever been beaten or bludgeoned with an iPhone?" It must have happened, I decided. Anyway I came upon this quote from filmmaker Kevin Smith, during a MacWorld Q&A. It would appear that I'm not the only person who thinks about harming/killing people with Mac products.

Movie Pitch Monday (on a Friday)

"ROBOCOP 4: STREET SWEEPER"
If you can imagine it, Detroit has gotten even worse over the last 20 years! The OCP Corporation is still hard at work developing artificial intelligence technology for military and police applications. Our hero, Randolph Broomba is an ex-military spec ops officer, who leaves his post after being betrayed by his commanding officer. He takes to the mean streets of a post-apocalyptic Detroit. The city is overrun with an evil, super violent gang of Dyson Vacuums. Shit gets pretty real for Broomba when he witnesses his family being murdered and raped by the Dysons. Broomba will do whatever it takes to avenge the brutalities bestowed upon his innocent family, In ROBOCOP 4... STREET SWEEPER!

Energy Drink Review - 02/03/10

I was pretty excited today, I saw a couple new RockStar Energy Beverage flavors in the "2 for $3" bin at the BP by my cribbles. There was a Cola version and this "RockStar Recovery" stuff, I guess it's got electrolytes er somethin', but I was thrown off a bit when I took a sip (you see I don't inspect anything that goes into my body). It was non-carbonated and tasted like lemonade. Not bad, but my expectations were a carbonated beverage, and when your beverage expectations are not met... it's just kinda meh. The packaging is kind cool with the black top and stuff. If you like lemonade you'll like this stuff for sure, it's basically just super caffeinated lemonade w/ electrolytes.

I'll give this energy bev a 3.5 out of 5

...also probably good with a vodka drink

LOST Season 6 Episode 1 (on a Post-It)

SPOILER ALERT!
Here's where we are left off after the explosion at the site of the "Swan" station construction site from season 5. I'm fully back on board with LOST and am super glad I watched season 5 last week. Here's a quick Post-It summary of what's going on, I know there is a lot, but there's only so much I can fit on a Post-It. Hopefully, I'll get better at this as the season goes on. If you don't like LOST and hate me for this post, it's okay, I get it... I hate me too, but that's what booze is for! ;)

Here is a way more in-depth summary of episode 1 season 6, it's actually pretty funny too, I wish Best Week Ever was still on tv: BWE LOST PREMIERE BREAKDOWN!!!

Computer Death Site: February 2010

Although it is only Feb. 2nd I'm so GD confident that I will not see a better website/blog this month than this. It's Mysterious, it's majestic, it's magnificent, it's mustachioed! I just decided to pull the trigger and announce it as the official Computer Death Site for February 2010(x). This can be chalked up as a Celebrity Tweet of the Week too, because I learned of this precious little nugget through a tweet from Chris Hardwick, last night.

Here it is: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

Mr. T Punching a Shark in the Face

China... Please Stop Trying to Kill Us!

Last month (January 2010) there were a slew of dangerous products recalled by the US Consumer Products Safety Commission, all of these items were produced in China. Because I care deeply about the safety and well being of you and yours, here is the rundown of things China is using to try and kill us, so avoid them!

1. Starbucks Glass Water Bottles: Basically these things are just shattering for no apparent reason, and also when the stop is taken out. There have been hand and mouth lacerations.

2. Zippo Candle Lighter: Sold at Bath and Body Works, when flame size is adjusted the thing goes crazy, melting itself and burning you alive.

3. Cybex Strollers: Sold at Target stores, there is a hinge mechanism that poses a finger amputation/laceration threat. (It's cutting off baby fingers!)

4. Night Hawk Radio Controlled Helicopter: Sold at Radio Shack, there have been reports of these lil' babies over-heating and causing burns, also the propeller has spun out of the device injuring peoples peepers (eyes).

5. Nature's Wonders Toy Horse Set: Sold at Wal-Mart, these toys contain excessive levels of lead based paint, kids put these things in thier mouths and stuff, kids get sick. :(

WTF China, your passive aggressive attempt at killing us and our children has not gone unnoticed. I am boycotting Chinese food for this whole month of February, also I'm going to attempt to not buy anything made in China... This may be difficult.

Phone Blog Post Test, Be Careful

I spend so much time on my "phone", (I put it in "quotes", because I've come to the realization that it's more like my 2nd penis, than a "phone") that I really should try and find a way to post from him. I can't believe I almost left him in a cab last night. What a f*cking nightmare that would have been, sweet cheesus! Anyway, I'm hoping this works okay, this is the BlogPressLite app, if this goes well I'll probably even buy the full version. Here's a photo of a chubby metal kid, hang in there lil' buddy, hang in there. Please don't auto-erotic exphixiate (no way that's spelled right) yourself.