Computer Death Tattoo No. 3

Hot Dogs are delicious! At least to me they are.

Movie Pitch Monday! (on Thursday)

"SHARKSTERS"
You've got a rag-tag group of hipster sharks who are always getting into trouble with the local police for eating tourists enjoying a little fun in the sun! Early character development include the following: "Beard-o", this sharkster sports a full beard and a hatred for sports, he often wears a knit cap (even when its hot) and occasionally smokes a pipe, this is the group pacifist. "Billy" as in rockabilly, if he's not shaping his killer quiff (I checked the spelling?) or listening to twangy hollow body guitar riffs and thumping stand up bass notes... He's killing kids, this is the groups bad apple. Finally we've got "Slim-Fit" he's a sharkster who likes his women tight and his pants tighter, this is the group's ladies man... er, Shark! There's a music festival near the mid-Atlantic ridge this summer, and guess whose got the keys to their parents cabin!? Everything is going great until there is some cataclysmic plate movement on the ocean floor. Will the Sharksters have what it takes to save the summer and learn a thing or two about themselves along the way? Find out THIS Summer 2010.

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10g

I was (am) working on-site at a pretty large international food and beverage corporation's headquarters this week. They gotz all kind of cool beverage stations and snacks here, like the coffee robot pictured. After it was finished making my Chocolate Espresso, the screen flashed bright red and it said "Kill Bot Activated". I basically back handed it and it shut up, kinda scary tho, we're so close to the robot revolution and we don't even realize it!

Another J4 Advetisment

Here is another ad for J4 Allied Defense:

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Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10f

This is a stunning photo we happened upon Saturday night. Basically this was some kind of upscale photography studio that specializes in classic shirtless couple poses.

J4 Ad Campaign

If you're wondering about the "security detail" mention and trip to Mexico from the earlier post, I have started my own private security (military) company with some friends. We are called J4 Allied Defense, and here is a comp of a print ad for our upcoming campaign.

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Someone has a Lil' Buddy!

It's "Action/Adventure Sports Thursday" here at CDS5K. This is a photo of Fergal Smith, 21, who was surfing two miles off the coast of Perth, Western Australia when a Great White Shark came within a few feet of him. After Fergal had dropped in on the 20 foot break, he had no idea how close he was to Great White Death, that is until he was shown the photo afterward. This is a prime example of why I think my greatest fear in this life is sharks. They're always lurking, just waiting for you to make the slightest mistake and fall so they can rip you to fucking shreds. Stay safe everyone stay out of the water and behind your computer screens.

Love, Mikey and CDS5k

Rivers, Islands, Trees... Underwater

These are pictures from a trip I took in Cenote Angelita Mexico. After week of working security detail for a "company" down there, me and my team (The Skittle Fuckers) thought we would unwind with some rec. diving. The man who acted as liaison with the client had suggested the underwater caves known locally as "Cueva de la Muerte". We had been spear fishing for a while when we came upon the entrance, and below you will find the amazing underwater river within the cave. The water was fresh at 30 meters and salt at 60, the river pictured is actually layer of hydrogen sulfide. Check out the pics below:

Lost is coming back soon...

I didn't really watch much of last season (5), I think I saw like the first 2 or 3 episodes and decided I didn't care about LOST anymore. BUT, I believe I've still got the entire 5th season on my DVR for a rainy day so my plan is to watch all of last season to see if it's possible for me to reignite the flame that at one time burned so deep inside my being, known as L to the O to the S to the T. We'll see tho. Here is some cool LOST art I found:

Angels & Demons 2: Blood Fued - Part 2

Disclaimer: This contains mature language and content, please do not read if you are easily offended. Also the character Tom Hanks, is just a character, and his attitude and traits are in no way related to his real life.

Part 2
Detective Tom Hanks sat in front of the glow of his computer screen in an otherwise dark office. Tom loved computers, almost as much as he still loved his ex-wife Rita. That bitch took him for a lot of money, and SHE was the one fucking and eating the pool boy's poop that came out of his butt. Tom pulled up Google and almost automatically typed in "Tom Hanks", instead he inserted the memory stick. There was a thunderous boom that filled the room and a series of symbols began to flash on the screen in rapid succession. Tom felt paralyzed as the symbols flashed before him, the buzzing from the speakers began to fade as the symbols stopped on a black screen that read "complete". The paralysis had subsided and turned to an intense head ache and nose bleed. "What the fuck was that fuckin' shit?" Tom said to himself. He reached for a bottle of Stolichnaya that was sitting on the corner of his awesome computer desk. In the silent dark room he drank until he was a pathetically drunk piece of mumbling trash. He was right to call himself a "piece of shit" in part one, he is... Or is he?

Tom woke to the sounds of some kind of birds chirping like crazy in the tree next to the window. Tom loved windows, almost as much as he loved that bitch of an ex-wife of his. The phone rings, "Tom, it's Danny Glover, what's the story with the necklaces?" "I don't know, I think I'm drunk." "Tom if you don't get your drinking under control, it's gonna start to control you! In fact it probably already is. Rita is not coming back god-damn it. She's fucking the pool boy now, and we both know what that's like." Danny Glover shut up for a minute after that. "You're right Danny, and when you're right you're right! And when you're white it's right... White is right, down with brown." Tom replied and decided. "I'm gonna give you a pass on that racist bullshit because you're drunk." Tom Hanks is not only a failed husband, father, alcoholic and a flame thrower, he was also a total racist. It's important to note that in spite of being all of these things, you (the reader) love Tom Hanks and always wanna be routing for him, that's already been decided. "Now, about those necklaces you ask?..." just then Tom catches his reflection in the window as a sinister smirk dances onto his face.

TO BE CONTINUED...

CDS5k - Propaganda No.20X

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Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10e

A kinda neat throw-back packaging for Post Shredded Wheat, I love the old school packaging stuff, all companies should just go this route.

Simply Magnificent

This photo reminded me of how amazing it would be to own a DeLorean DMC-12... And I don’t mean it in an ironic way either. Seriously, try and imagine the feeling of greatness that would wash over you're existence as you slid your hand across the back and walked to the driver’s slide to time travel... magnificent. Also, below is a sweet GOLD PLATED DMC-12!

More Stormtrooper 365 Stuff...

It's been a while since I checked out the 365 Stormtrooper flickr page, so I popped in today and found this one. The troopers are trying to pitch a solar powered Death Star modification to Lord Vader... I wonder if he'll go for it.

Angels & Demons 2: Blood Fued - Part 1

I was just riding the couch yesterday after a night of moderate to heavy drinking and I started writing a little short story that I've decided to call Angels & Demons 2: Blood Fued. Disclaimer: This contains mature language and content, please do not read if you are easily offended. Also the character Tom Hanks, is just a character, and his attitude and traits are in no way related to his real life.

Part 1
Detective Tom Hanks awoke covered in sweat from an intense fever dream. In the dream, he was passionately and powerfully making ass love to his son, Colin Hanks, who you may know as Shaun Brumder from 2002's "Orange County". After lying awake in his bed for some time, Tom wearily made his way to the kitchen, and grabbed one of the frozen McDonald's McRib sandwiches from his freezer box. You see, the McRib has been discontinued, retired, and in The Great Rib Rush of 2016 they were bought up in bulk and hoarded by the world's rich and famous. The hum of the microwave was hypnotic, he began to recall the disturbing and equally sexy dream he had just had about his son Colin. Unknowingly he began to stroke his throbbing meat cannon from the outside of his chili pepper pajama bottoms. The "ding" from his microwave, snapped him back to reality, and the exciting realization that he was about to enjoy his delicious McRib sandwich set in. He systematically removed the chopped onion and pickle slices from the sandwich. Right as he lifted the weighty riblet to his mouth, his phone rang. "Cocksucking Whore!" he shouted, and echoed through his large but minimally decorated kitchen. "Tom, it's Danny Glover, listen, we've got another one, you'd better get down here". Tom hung up the phone and placed his uneaten McRib in a paper bag to be eaten later. He quickly took a shower, put on a pair of well worn jeans, a vintage Stanford t-shirt and a tweed jacket, with leather elbow patches. He looked at his pale, unshaven face in the mirror and said to himself, "Another fuckin' day in paradise, you're a real God-damned piece of shit Tom."

Tom, arrived on the scene of a Dave & Busters inside the Mall of America Los Angeles. There were bodies and body parts everywhere, on the ski-ball lanes, in the pop-a-shot baskets, it was a nightmare. "What've we got Danny?", as he lit a cigarette. "It looks like Angels & Demons got'em". "You mean like Angels from heaven and Demons from hell?" "Exactly like that." Tom took in the details of what had occurred and noticed that all of the bodies had identical memory sticks attached to lanyards around their necks. He walked over to the horribly contorted corpse that had been shoved into the basket of the pop-a-shot machine. The memory stick had a symbol on it, it was a cross with a dove that had fire balls shooting out of it's mouth beak. He ripped the memory stick from the body and placed it in his pocket. "Wrap it up Danny, I'm gonna go home and sleep on this, doesn't really seem like there is much more for me to do here." "But, you just got here!" "Listen, I'm drunk, I'm tired, and my ex-wife has been on my ass all week. Not to mention, I'm the boss, so shut your bitch mouth and clean up this fuckin' mess!" "I'm gettin' too old for this shit!" Danny muttered under his breath.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10d

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10c

Movie Title Switch-A-Roo

Here are some recent movie titles that I'm renaming. It's not a reflection of whether of not I liked the movie. Actually I liked all of these movies, except for the one about vampires, and would recommend all of them, except for the one with vampires. In fact, call a friend and watch one of these, except for the one that has vampires in it. The new titles I came up with are just punchier and fit better.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon > Teenage Vampires 2: The Hot Werewolf

Up in the Air > Flyin' with the Cloon-Dog

The Box > The Curious Case of Pushing a Button

2012 > Close Calls with John Cusack

The Invention of Lying > The Sneaky British Guy

New Special Edition Dodge Pick-Up

This idea came to me in a fever dream last night, in which Dakota Fanning was trying to run me down in a Dodge pick-up truck. So, you remember things like the Eddie Bauer Ford Explorers or the KFC Popcorn Chicken Nissan Cubes? Well, I'd like to introduce you to the 2010 Special Edition Dodge Dakota Fanning.

Metal Baby

Perky Jerky

This seems totally unnecessary to me, but who am I? Just a guy with his pants around his ankles and a belt around his neck. Well I guess if you don't have time to eat regular jerky while you're pounding energy bevs, or if you need a little pick me up and are hungry, I guess this is the product for you. Honestly though, just a little bump-ski of the ole nose candy will solve all of these problems. If you can't find blow anywhere just get a part time job a a bar or restaurant, and you're in.... Seriously though, don't do cocaine, it's not good for you, and CDS5k is not condoning the use of cocaine. You can get more info on this "interesting" (stupid) product here: Perky Jerky

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10c

"Our Lady of Mi Baño"

Showing Some Restraint in 2010

I kinda wish all fast food places would print out receipts like this, or even better have it listed on the menu, that way you'd see before you ordered. We'd probably all be a lot healthier, It's really hard to avoid fast food, I can sympathize with that, plus it tastes really good. Here' a quick list of the "Best & Worst" items from fast food chains across the US. Some of the restaurants are regional so I decided to take the data specific to chains located in Chicago.

French Fries (Lrg):
Best: Sonic - 280 cal, 11 g (fat) There's not a lot of these around town but there are a couple.
Worst: Dairy Queen - 730 cal, 33 g (fat) White Castle - 700 cal, 34 g (fat)

Hamburger (Reg.):
Best: White Castle - 140 cal, 7 g (fat) Wendy's (Jr.) - 230 cal, 8 g (fat)
Worst: Dairy Queen - 350 cal, 14 g (fat)

Hamburger (Lrg.):
Best: Burger King (Whopper Jr.) - 370 cal, 21 g (fat) White Castle (Bacon Cheeseburger) - 200 cal, 11 g (fat)
Worst: Burger King (Trip. Whopper w/ cheese) 1230 cal, 82 g (fat)

Chicken Nuggets & Strips:
Best: Wendy's (5 pc) - 230 cal, 15 g (fat) McDonald's, Burger King (6 pc) - 250 cal, 15 g (fat)
Worst: Dairy Queen (6 pc strips) - 1270 cal, 67 g (fat) McDonald's (Premium Chk Strips 5 pc) 630 cal, 33 g (fat)

Chicken Sandwiches:
Best: KFC (Honey BBQ Snacker) - 210 cal, 3 g (fat)
Worst: Burger King (Tendercrisp) - 790 cal, 44 g (fat)

Breakfast Sandwiches:
Best: McDonald's (Egg McMuffin) - 300 cal, 12 g (fat)
Worst: Arby's (Sausage Gravy Biscuit) - 961 cal, 68 g (fat)

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k-01/10b

Twenty-Ten, 20 Dollars 10 cents.

Cell Phone Pic - CDS5k - 01/10a

Usually at the Sacramento Blvd. exit there is a dude selling peanuts, I guess he took NYE off... It couldn't have had anything to do with the fact that he was actually frozen to death :( under an overpass or something. Also this is a "Tilt-Shift" filter app.

Even More Frightening

A while back I was spit-balling some ideas about how sharks could be even more terrifying than they already are. One was if the had human-like arms instead of pectoral fins, then they could grab you and hold you as they attack. Another was if they had the ability to scream, imaging one coming at you about to strike while screaming like a maniac. The other night I came upon this photo that illustrated another way in which they'd be even scarier, if they had big ole human chompers.