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Me put pee-pee in your coke, and build super-secret underwater nuclear submarine base in mountain. Yeah, those silly commies are up to their same old shenanigan's, I really don't know how they are able to prepare for the Olympics, Oppress Tibetans, kill unlicensed babies and build this James Bond, super-villainesque lair. That's what I call multitasking, I can't even do the thing where you pat your head and rub your belly. Apparently this place has the capacity to store 20 nuclear powered subs or 12 Batman The Ride roller-coasters (if one were so inclined). There are believed to be 11 openings for entrance, each are carved into the hillside and have a clearance of about 60 feet (18 meters). China is pissing a lot of people off lately, and to be honest good sirs and ladies, I'm not sure just what the fuck their problem is. If you live in China, you've basically got it made, Hawaiian shave-ice and churro stands on every corner, chocolate waterfalls in the parks and all the Unicorn and Mogwai you can eat (just don't get them wet...OR feed them after midnight, you remember what happened in '84 and again in '90). That sounds pretty good to me, but hey, I'm just a dough-eyed, suburban American white guy, looking for a new life and the chance for future generations to experience the Chinese Dream. I hope that maybe one day I can have my own water access secret lair, where me and my family can prep nitroglycerin in tubs and plan for world domination, but that all seems so far away.
