Friday, February 29, 2008

Chila-Killas for Life

Chilaquiles is another one of my favorite breakfasts, this one is of Mexican decent. The first time I had this stuff I was working at a Greek restaurant, the kitchen staff used to make it a lot because they were high all the time. A lot of people have their own versions of Chilaquiles, you can pretty much put what ever you want in it but there are some key ingredients that serve as the foundation of the dish. I use small corn tortillas, salsa verde, eggs and if you want to make it even less healthy you can add refried beans, sour cream and cheese. First, (1) get a stack of about 5 corn tortillas and cut them into sixths. Next, (2) throw some oil or Pam in your skillet and fry the tortillas until the start to get crispy. Now, (3) add beaten or egg whites to the skillet, follow that up with the salsa verde. Finally, (4) if your gonna choose to be a fatty and add the cheese and sour cream, wait until you plate your meal to do so, and serve the beans on the side. As I said before there are a lot of different ways to make this, the dudes at the restaurant used to cook it in big pans like a casserole. Try it and if you don't like it you can go to hell Cholo!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Formal Wear North of the States

This is the type of thing someone in Canada might wear to their high school prom, a wedding or a classy Eastern European whore house. Since I no longer have a denim shirt or a jean jacket, I can't really put together a proper Canadian tuxedo. After becoming pretty upset at the fact I might not beable to dress up as a fancy Canuck, I threw together a high-tech rendering in photoshop so that one can imagine what I might actually look like in this exquisite Canadian wonder.

A Killer's Mind

I recently caught up with Jaws in an exclusive one on one interview, to see if I could understand what makes this 35 ft., 8000 lb. killing machine so sexy all of the time.

Me: Let me first say, I'm a huge fan, seen all your movies.
Jaws: Oh, thanks that's really nice of you to say, I love meeting a fan.

Me:
Well let's get started, your kind of a dickhead, no?
Jaws: I'm sorry?

Me: For example, you eat people indiscriminately, man, woman or child, it's fair game as far as your concerned.
Jaws: Look, I can't change what I am, and I won't sit here and pretend I am something I am not. Being born the way I am is no easy thing for anyone. If you want this interview to continue I suggest you change your tone.

Me: Fair enough, lets talk about what you just said, who are you? what drives Jaws in life?
Jaws: I grew up in Jeresy City, NJ, my dad, Stanely was brakeman working for the railroad. He drank a lot and used to beat me, my siblings and my mom. He crossed the line when he actually beat my older brother Florian to death, he split after that and so did I.

Me: So I assume this is when your temper and willingness to kill was born?
Jaws: It's always been there, but this is when I started really embracing that part of me.

Me: What do you mean embracing?
Jaws: Well, I killed my first person when I was 16, his name was Charlie and he used to pick on me so I beat him to death with a steel rod one day, I cut off his fingers and removed his teeth, then threw his body in a frozen lake. After that killing became fun and easy.

Me: Jesus!
Jaws: Next thing you know I was working for the Gambino crime family as an enforcer, if the boss wanted someone dead I would do it no questions asked, i'd use guns, strangulation, knifes even poison...that was one of my favorites, cyanide killed quickly and was hard to detect in a toxicology test.

Me: Uhm, ok I've got to go, I forgot to uh...it was nice talking to you, good luck with everything and thanks for the interview.
Jaws: Of course, it was my pleasure.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Anarchy in the A.M.

So, I was recently watching the movie "V for Vendetta" for about the fifth time and there is a part where "V" is making this pretty awesome looking breakfast, so I decided to get off my white bread ass and make it, because it's totally easy. You basically (1) take a piece of bread and cut a hole in it with a cup or something circular. Next, (2) throw that mutha in a skillet with some Pam or whatever you have on hand. Now, (3) let that son of a b get really hot and crack a single egg in the recently removed center of the bread. Finally, (4) let the egg get pretty solid and quickly and as smoothly as you can flip that bitch over, and thats pretty much it. I have been making this pretty often for about the last three weeks, and had been referring to it as "breakfast where you make a hole in bread and then cook the egg in the bread", but later found out it is called "egg in a basket", which has a better ring to it for sure.

Bigfoot...Friend or Total Dickhole?

People should probably educate themselves about the things in life that matter...like Bigfoot. So read up and find out how you can kill these motherfuckers, I've never met one personally but I bet they are HUGE assholes. This is about as legit as I think I could find, its called the "Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization" or "BFRO" I haven't really looked to much at the site yet but i think (and hope) they hate Bigfoots just as much as I do and want to help get them out of here.
BFRO>


Here are some pics of these jerks:

Baby Bigfoot (or mature Ewok) stealing a kids BMX: